Real-estate tracking website Zumper released a map today of what an average one-bedroom apartment will run you in every Miami-Dade County neighborhood this summer. And — surprise! — you basically can't afford to live anywhere.
Granted, Zumper's map shows median prices, which means half of the apartments in every hood are cheaper than the prices listed on the aforementioned map, but Zumper's map still shows that a one-bedroom apartment in almost every neighborhood, save the areas around Liberty City, Miami's most crime-ridden neighborhood, will run you an average of $1,000 or more.
A prospect even more frightening than the map itself: Good luck trying to find a two- or three-bedroom apartment for, say, a young family.
According to Zumper's July 2016 analysis of national rents, Miami is the eighth most expensive city in America to rent a one-bedroom apartment, with a countywide rental price of $1,900. (On average, Miami apartments are a whole $60 cheaper than those in Los Angeles.)
As one might expect, rental prices across most of Miami Beach are astronomical. On the tony Fisher Island, which is basically just an enclave for the Bush family and Saudi oil magnates, a single-bedroom apartment runs an inhuman $4,600, while rents in the only-slightly-less-bourgie Village of Key Biscayne even out at $2,450, which is a comparative steal if you're the budget-conscious-billionaire type.
Back on the mainland, rents around Wynwood have seriously started to climb. The average rental price in Wynwood is now $2,200, but the price might be set to fall in the coming years because developers are frothing at the mouth to build new rental complexes in the area.
But if you're looking to buy a house instead, things aren't exactly in your favor either.
If you like this story, consider signing up for our email newsletters.
SHOW ME HOW
(One odd tidbit: It seems Zumper's map attached Fisher Island to the end of South Pointe despite the fact that Fisher Island is indeed its own island.)
Here is the full map by Zumper: