If your daily commute takes you through Doral -- and may god have mercy upon your soul for that -- you may notice some unusual sights around the exclusive Doral Golf and Spa Resort this morning: grown men dressed in colonial-era britches; hastily drawn signs equating Obama to socialism; Michele Bachmann's laser-beam eyes of pure right-wing fury.
The cause? The "Taking America Back" conference, a three day event bringing all the finest minds in the Tea Party together (except for Ann Coulter, who was deemed too "gay friendly." This is true). Nothing is more dangerous than running into a tea bagger in the wild when you're unprepared.
Take precautions! Click through for our guide to the five angriest speakers at this weekend's conference.
5. Doug Giles
How Angry Is He? Angry enough to inspire his daughter to dress like a "ho" to infiltrate ACORN. Angry enough to fill YouTube with bizarre screeds against Obama involving singing skunk puppets. Angry enough to write a book called "Raising Boys Feminists Will Hate."
Key Quote of Conservative Fury: "Jesus and the balance of Scripture seem to be okay with dunking Achmed if said butt munch has the 411 regarding the 10/20 of the next mass slaughter of innocent Americans," arguing for waterboarding in "WWJT: Who Would Jesus Torture?"
via Jerome Corsi's Red Alert
4. Jerome Corsi
How Angry Is He? Angry enough to invent the "Swift Boat" myth to torpedo John Kerry's presidential bids and ensure four more years of Dubya. Angry enough to get kicked out of Kenya while trying to "prove" Obama's ties to militant Kenyan groups.
Key Quote of Conservative Fury: "(My book) will expose details of deep secret ties between the U.S. Democratic presidential candidate Barack Obama and a section of Kenya government leaders, their connection to certain sectoral groups in Kenya and subsequent plot to be executed in Kenya should Senator Obama win the American presidency," he told Time.
3. Molotov Mitchell
How Angry Is He? Angry enough to adopt "Molotov" as a first name. Angry enough to get "Zealot" tattooed on his arm in honor of the "Zealot Movement," an "extreme Christian" lifestyle based on straightedge punk ethos. Angry enough to routinely equate Obama with Hitler.
Key Quote of Conservative Fury: "The spirit of Thomas Jefferson is alive and well in Honduras -- especially in Honduras, where their Marxist just tried to tamper with their constitution, and guess what happened? The Honduran military took that socialist dictator wannabe to the border and said, "Hasta la vista, baby. Better luck in Costa Rica." Sounds nice, doesn't it? Sounds nice to me. Time will tell."
2. Rep. Michele Bachmann
How Angry Is She? Angry enough to falsely claim that lesbians tried to abduct her in a bathroom after she sponsored anti-gay marriage legislation. Angry enough to compare homosexuality to pedophilia. Angry enough to suggest fellow Minnesota legislator Keith Ellison, a Muslim, has ties to terrorism.
Key Quote of Conservative Fury: "I find it interesting that it was back in the 1970s that the swine flu broke out under another, then under another Democrat president, Jimmy Carter. I'm not blaming this on President Obama, I just think it's an interesting coincidence," she said back in 2009.
If you like this story, consider signing up for our email newsletters.
SHOW ME HOW
You have successfully signed up for your selected newsletter(s) - please keep an eye on your mailbox, we're movin' in!
1. Tom Tancredo
How Angry Is He? Angry enough to run presidential ads warning that illegal immigrants are "raping kids." Angry enough to demand the Denver Public Library stop carrying books written in Spanish. Angry enough to call for a "civics literacy test" before anyone can vote.
Key Quote of Conservative Fury: "Look at what has happened to Miami. It has become a Third World country," he said. "You just pick it up and take it and move it someplace. You would never know you're in the United States of America. You would certainly say you're in a Third World country."