The Shape of Things to Come
You know how the saying goes: A big man needs a big...swimming pool. Not that construction company magnate Sam LoBue's new creation is particularly large A about 50 by 17 feet, a maximum of 7 feet deep A for a cement pond. But for a penis, wow sir!
LoBue concedes that his phallus-shaped pool is an element of his current lifestyle as a swingin' single guy, but he categorically denies any responsibility for its disconcerting, elongated shape. "I'll tell ya the truth," says the resident of deep Southwest Dade. "I had one of my employees, Johnny Terrell, dig a pool for me. I told him, 'Make it whatever shape you want.' I came home to find a giant dick and balls. And I thought it was pretty neat."
Terrell, who dug pools professionally before becoming a backhoe operator for LoBue's Down Rite Engineering company, offers a different version than his employer's. "No way!" Terrell exclaims. "It's Sam's pool, it was Sam's idea. He designed it and everything, and now he's perpetrating a fraud by blaming me!" Although the workman's account might not be any more truthful, it's a heck of a lot more colorful. "He put his penis on a table," Terrell asserts. "And says, 'Design my pool like this, at a scale of 1 to 50.' I dug the pool in about three hours, 52 feet long, by fourteen feet at the deep end, and about seventeen to eighteen feet wide down at the balls. Right to scale. You can do the math."
The 30-year-old LoBue founded Down Rite Engineering eleven years ago, and has since built it into a multimillion-dollar business with more than 70 workers. Down Rite's specialty is building roads and installing drainage systems for private developers and for the county. But since the beginning of last September, they've also branched out, helping to clear South Dade of tons of rubble.
Hurricane Andrew left some work to be done at LoBue's two-story manse at the western end of SW 200th Street, a location that also serves as the site of his company's headquarters. "Andrew totaled my house," the Down Rite magnate says levelly. "About $300,000 in damage. I had insurance. I've lived here for about six years. I built this house when I was married, and my wife picked everything out." Work crews have been busily reconstructing the house to LoBue's exact specifications, painting, laying carpet, installing tile, adding new crossbeam ceilings, and, of course, landscaping the pool area. "I'm a bachelor," LoBue says proudly, "and I'm going to have everything, Foosball, air hockey, Ping-Pong...."
So far LoBue hasn't had much of a chance to expose his friends to the watery wonders of his giant penis, but after the renovation is complete, he's planning to throw a big party. "I'd like to get all the girls from Lipstik [strip club] out here in thongs," he says. "Maybe take a nice photo and send it to Playboy."
And what might his female acquaintances think of a man who invites them to refresh themselves with a dip in his anatomically inspired pool? "Only a few have seen it," LoBue says. "They all thought it was a real joke. They think it's funny."
While the proud pool owner realizes that his unusual back-yard accoutrement is bound to give rise to an endless stream of word play from his guests, he's thinking more about the breast-stroking to come than he is about jokes. He does, however, admit that the permit folks at the county got a good laugh out of his blueprints. And the guy who poured the gunite informed him that, after 25 years of lining pools shaped like everything from lips to guitars, he'd never seen anything quite so, um, manly. (Speaking of which, regarding back-hoe man Terrell's penis-to-pool formula of 1:50 A you can do the math.)
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