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The Seven Types of Miami Dolphins Fan

The Miami Dolphins are well into their preseason, with their last two tune-up games against the Cowboys and Rams looming. As new faces and fresh hopes start the year, one constant remains: Dolphins fans are an eclectic bunch of wacky characters.

Here now are the seven types of Miami Dolphins fan. Play along and see which one you are. Winning prize: a 7-9 season and an offensive lineman taken in the first round of next year's draft.

The Eternal Optimist: This is the guy who, although realistic, still comes into the season thinking this is the year. Our head coach is a lanky doofus? Sure, but he once worked with Aaron Rodgers. So that's something! Our number one wide receiver can't catch? Yes, but he's superfast!

The Zombie: The Zombie will take none of your criticizing or realistic outlook. The Zombie bleeds aqua and orange, bro! Every player on this team is the best player in the NFL. Ryan Tannehill is the next Dan Marino, even though he also said that about Matt Moore, Cleo Lemon, Chad Henne, John Beck, Daunte Culpepper, and Joey Harrington. The Zombie thinks finishing 7-9 every season is amazing and to criticize the team is weakness.

The Jaded Cynic: This fan has abandoned all hope of ever seeing the Dolphins get anywhere near a Super Bowl ever again. Instead, he drinks a lot. No matter what, he knows the Dolphins will find a way to screw things up. Start the season 4-0? Here comes the seven-game losing streak! We drafted a quarterback? He's going to suck.

The Local: This fan is loyal, roots for his team and always will. But he also loves the feeling of being a champion that has come from rooting for the other local teams the past 20 years. The Heat has won three titles and been in several NBA Finals, while the Marlins have won two World Series. All of this winning has made the Dolphins almost absent from this fan's heart, though he still watches them Sundays and roots for them to get better.

The Out-of-Towner: He grew up in a city where there was no football team, so he started watching Dan Marino and became a Dolphins fan. Now he's an adult, living in another city, and still rooting for Miami, and he can't fathom why locals love the Miami Heat so much. This fan loves to argue that Miami is a football town even though he has never set foot in Miami. He is really pale from all the harsh winters over the years.

The Over-Analyzer: This guy watches every draft pick's game tape and then every snap of preseason. He reads everything about training camp he can get his hands on, then starts talking about every player's 40-yard dash, how their hips swivel, and how the back-up left guard really is being overlooked by the coaches. He loves fantasy sports and showing you how much smarter he is.

The Dan Marino-Era Diehard: Most fans grew up watching Marino and remember how awesome every Sunday was. Younger fans, not so much. There's something to be envied about the Dan Marino-Era Fan. But the sad truth is the majority of Dan Marino-Era fans have already faded into the Jaded Cynics category.


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