The Seven Minor Annoyances That Drive Everyone in Miami Insane
Yes, traffic is bad. Tourists can be awful. The humidity can be oppressive. Yet we've come to accept all of those things about living in Miami. That's part of what we signed up for.
Sometimes it's the smaller annoyances that really make us want to catch the next flight to Milwaukee and never look back.
Getting Stuck Behind Someone in the Midtown Miami Parking Garage Who Doesn't Understand the Ticket Machine
There are hundreds of parking garages in Miami-Dade, and the vast majority of them have their own little quirk that will occasionally make you want to rip your eyes out.
This is hands down the worst, though. Getting stuck behind someone in an automated ticketed garage who for whatever reason does not understand the simple concept of paying on foot beforehand and sticking in their ticket the correct way into the machine is literal hell. You never know when it'll happen! Everything is moving along smoothly, and then -- boom! -- you're stuck waiting for an idiot to have someone come over and help them figure out something ten people in front of them did without any problem. The fact that the Shops at Midtown eliminated the free first hour of parking has only made it worse.
Rain Almost Every Day in the Afternoon During the Summer
This is a weird time to gripe about this because we've had a good stretch of reasonably sunny days, but you know it's coming back, and it's coming back with a vengeance. Don't be caught anytime between 2 and 6 p.m. without an umbrella.
Palmetto Bugs are Just the Beginning
Palmetto bugs are an unfortunate and disgusting part of life in South Florida, but the sad thing is that's only the beginning. There are feral cats everywhere, creepy lizards, noisy parrots, these giant-ass snails, and, if you live far enough out, actual alligators and pythons.
Photo by George Martinez
Neighbors Blasting Music -- Always
This isn't unique to Miami, but damn it seems worse here. First of all, the Magic City's particular affinity for electro and bass means the maddening decontextualized sound of "uhntz-uhntz-uhntz" coming from next door has plagued many an apartment dweller. Yet the problem isn't confined to just condo dwellers. You can be living in your own single-family home and somehow you'll still get woken up on a Sunday by your neighbors having a bachata fest in their backyard for their 5-year-old's birthday.
Your Favorite Band May Play Here Once a Decade, If You're Lucky
The problem with being on the tip of a long peninsula is that it makes it incredibly impractical for smaller touring bands that rely on bus or van to make it down here all that often. There are exceptions, sure, but that band you heard on 90.5 that you're really into? Yeah, you might go through several years of disappointedly checking their tour dates before you get to see them. But if you're lucky, maybe you'll catch your favorite DJ playing your favorite remix of your favorite song by that band.
Trying to Park at a Friend's Place Unless They Have a Driveway
Friends with driveways or otherwise easy parking around their places are golden. You know you've always got a place to park your car.
Trying to visit a friend in a building? Better hope the garage rates are cheap, that is if they allow guest access at all. Seeing someone out in the suburbs who lives in one of those massive condo developments? Why do those places always seem to have only five guest spots per 500 units? Visiting someone where your parking options are on the street only? Better make sure it's not metered, that is if you can find parking within a few blocks anyway.
All the Clocks Always Seem to Be Breaking
Maybe the humidity just messes with the gears, or perhaps the weird electromagnetic pulses that are a consequence of living at one of the points of the Bermuda Triangle wreaks havoc, but it just seems that all the clocks in this town always seem to be broken. How else to explain why everyone is late to everything at all times? Someone really should invent a Miami-resistant clock. They'd make a fortune.
Get the This Week's Top Stories Newsletter
Every week we collect the latest news, music and arts stories — along with film and food reviews and the best things to do this week — so that you’ll never miss Miami New Times' biggest stories.
- Man Who Bought Record-Setting Miami Condo Also Set Real-Estate Marks in Chicago, New York
- Poll: Trump Top Among Florida GOP, but Would Lose to Bernie Sanders in General Election
- Miami Police Union President Fears "Black Panthers Threatening Police" With Open-Carry Law