If you've been following Florida's U.S. Senate race closely this year, you've likely been drinking heavily for months already. After November, one of the state's two senators is
Tonight Rubio and Murphy will debate for the first time on live television at 7 p.m. from the University of Central Florida in Orlando. (The debate will run live on ABC stations statewide.)
If you're as depressed as we are about this whole thing, the New Times' Official Senate Debate Drinking Game might help keep you sane. Here we go:
Drink every time:
- Rubio stammers
- Rubio sips water
- Rubio wipes sweat from his face
- Rubio recounts his upbringing in Miami
- Whenever someone says the word "absences" or mentions Rubio's Senate attendance record
- Anyone speaks Spanish
- Someone brings up Rubio's credit problems
- Rubio mentions Murphy's rich dad
- Rubio says the word "resumé"
- Anyone brings up Murphy's status as a certified public accountant
- Anyone brings up the Cuban embargo
- Rubio's speech at a "family values" event hosted by anti-LGBT pastors comes up
- Anyone says the word "king tides"
- Rubio implies Murphy is spoiled or mentions his high-rise condo
- Whenever Murphy brings up the Deepwater Horizon oil spill
Take a shot if:
- Rubio repeats any sentences verbatim
- Rubio refuses to commit to a full Senate term
- Rubio threatens to defund Planned Parenthood
- Rubio brings up the fact that Murphy couldn't pass the CPA exam
- Rubio defends his hatred of LGBT people as protecting "family values"
- Murphy calls Rubio "Little Marco"
- Murphy calls Rubio a coward
- Murphy badmouths CBS Miami reporter Jim DeFede by name
- Murphy brings up Rubio's drug-dealing brother-in-law
- Rubio brings up Murphy's drunken
- Anyone talks about Donald Trump's hands
Take two shots if:
- Anyone discusses Donald Trump's penis
- Anyone defends Rick Scott for any reason
Bonus! If you want to black out, drink:
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SHOW ME HOW
- Every time Murphy mentions Trump
- Whenever Rubio is accused of flip-flopping
- Whenever one candidate calls the other a liar
- When Rubio says the word "America"
- Whenever anyone says "CPA"
- Every time Murphy reminds you of a guy you hated in college
Finish all the alcohol in your home if:
- Rubio actually stands up for himself and rescinds his endorsement of Trump.
Correction: This article misstated a portion of Murphy's past arrest record. He was not charged with driving under the influence.