The Hobbit Has Gone North (And Other Crap)
Here's what happened over the weekend while 10,000 BC was hitting No. 1 at the box office, thus signaling the end of Western civilization as we know it:
-- The Dolphins have just become 52% less ridiculous. Another face of the debacle that was the 2007 season has left us. Jesse Chatman has gone to the Jets. While Jesse did provide us with some comedic gold last season, he also represented everything that went wrong with the Fins in '07. The guy was our starting running back at one point for fucksake. I just threw up in my mouth. The Hobbit ends his days as a Dolphin with 515 yards and 1 touchdown. Now, he'll be eating whole turkeys and roaming the streets of New York looking for donuts in the city that never sleeps. I envy Jets bloggers. I really do.
-- Justin Smiley was on 790 The Ticket's Jorge Sedano show on Friday. And instead of giving a normal, boring, cliche filled interview, he tore new Jets OG Alan Faneca a new asshole. “First of all, Alan Faneca’s ancient. The guy is about 10 damn years older than me. Anyone can pull some game film up. Go watch all my game film. That’ll do the talking. Parcells didn’t sign Faneca. They had the cap room to do it and didn’t want to do it. There must be some good things that they saw in me. I want to let my play do the talking. I’m so excited to get down there … and get this thing turned around,” said Smiley.
Suddenly our rivalry with the Jets is turning up a few notches. Nice to see the Dolphins finally signing guys with working testicles. Smiley sounds like a badass. He's also got a heavy breathing thing going on, which is a little creepy. (On a side note, here's a fun drinking game you might wanna play at work: If you listen to Sedano's show, take a shot every time he utters the word "Okay." You'll be hammered before 10AM)
-- The Fins are off to attend my boy Vernon Gholston's personal workout today. Gholston’s stock has been through the roof since the combine last month. And on Friday during Ohio State's pro day, he actually proved that he is a mutant by improving on his combine measurables. He ran a 4.58 40 and recorded a vert of 42 inches. Jesus, this guy's not human. If he doesn't end up with us and ends up in either a Jets uniform or with the Pats, I'm going to shit. Literally shit. I'm going to pull my pants down at my draft party and shit. Maybe I'll shit into the nacho dip. That's always fun. -- Chris Joseph
For more on sports from Chris Joseph go to Finsnation.com
Get the This Week's Top Stories Newsletter
Every week we collect the latest news, music and arts stories — along with film and food reviews and the best things to do this week — so that you’ll never miss Miami New Times' biggest stories.
- Hialeah Ranked Worst Place to Retire in Florida Despite Sizable Elderly Population
Fri., Sep. 4, 11:30am
Fri., Sep. 4, 6:35pm
Sat., Sep. 5, 11:30am
Sat., Sep. 5, 7:00pm
- Miami FC Announces Italian Soccer Star Alessandro Nesta as Head Coach
- Residents Vow to Continue Fighting Midtown Walmart After Losing Court Appeal