It's fitting that the same day big trade rumors involving Heath Bell and Hanley Ramirez surface, episode two of The Franchise is pretty much framed around a trade deadline discussion roundtable with Jeffery Loria, Larry Beinfest and their DERP lackeys (or maybe the Marlins PLANTED those rumors as a sort of viral campaign for this episode!).
Episode two was all about Logan Morrison's quest to meet George Brett, Mike Stanton's knee surgery and Justin Ruggiano taking his family to the Seaquarium. Here's your recap:
There was decidedly less Ozzie Guillen this week, thus decidedly less FUCKS flung around willy-nilly. Still, as robust and drama-filled as last week's hour-long premiere episode was, the second episode (which was half hour long) still made for good TV.
The episode picked up with the final game of the first half of the season, when Heath Bell blew his sixth save of the season against St. Louis. "I think our team's doing great," Bell lamented to the Showtime cameras after the game. "I think I suck." And with that ass denting at the hands of the Cardinals, it was off to the All Star break where not a single Marlin was in attendance to represent the team, because Major League Baseball is run by dipshits.
Showtime them proceeded to follow three players around during the break, starting with Giancarlo Stanton going in to have his knee operated on. And we got to see Giancarlo Stanton give his name to the U of M medical receptionist (he has to wait and get dicked around a hospital waiting room just like you and me!), and then we got to see him in a hospital gown. His doctor then showed us all a piece of Giancarlo's articular cartilage, because YOLO! Luckily, everything seemed to go well for Stanton and he's on his way back to recovery.
"According to our charts, it appears that you have The Awesome all up in you."
Career minor leaguer Justin Ruggiano then became the episode's focus because everyone loves the feel good underdog story, but mostly he's another player with a hot wife. Ruggiano's story of bouncing from team to team was documented, showing us a man who never quits, and a man who loves his family and takes them to the Seaquarium to look at dolphins. While Emilio Bonifacio is rehabbing in the minors with a busted thumb, Ruggiano has taken his place and is hitting the shit out of the ball. So the Marlins reward him by sending him the shittiest theme park in all of Miami.
Bonifacio's rehab is quickly skimmed through, as Jon Hamm reminds us how Boner was stealing bases at an insane clip to begin the season, and then how he started to doing the Lo Viste sign and how it became the de facto rally cry for the team. Then he fucked up his thumb attempting to steal a base and that was the end of that shit. This team is already confounding to baseball loving middle America, so I'm pretty sure Showtime confused them further with the whole Lo Viste explanation. Even Jon Hamm's narration seemed befuddled on what the hell Lo Viste is.
The highlight of this episode, however, was Logan Morrison and his quest to meet his childhood idol George Brett. LoMo's penchant for tweeting was examined with Guillen piping in ("Ju tweeting and ju losing, ju a focking ass.").
Morrison, who is a Kansas City native, is seen waiting to meet Brett at a couple of All Star press junkets like a nervous little kid. THE scene of the episode is when Yankees shortstop Derek Jeter appears at the presser and LoMo shakes his hand and Jeter has no fucking clue who he is.
Morrison finally gets to meet Brett, who is a classy dude. And LoMo acts like we all would if we got to meet our idols and by that I mean he shits all over himself with nervousness. It was an honest moment in the show.
Things wrap up with the Fish getting ready for the second half of the season and Guillen giving the team a pep talk. "Now is time to stick ju dick in deh dirt," he says in a rousing speech. Then the Marlins proceed to stick their dicks in everyone's ice cream instead and lose the opener to the Nationals.
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Fittingly, the episode ends with Loria and Beinfest discussing what their next move should be, if any. This team is being run by Mongolic fuckheads. Lucky for us all, the fuckheadedness is caught on film for posterity.
The Franchise airs on Showtime every Wednesday at 10 p.m.