The Five Most Frustrating Things About Being a Miami Dolphins Fan

Being a Miami Dolphins fan just ain't what it used to be. These days, it's a love-hate relationship that on a weekly basis is this weird voluntary-hostage situation. We love the Dolphins, but we hate that we love them. It's basically a Rihanna song at this point. 

So many things about being a Dolphins fan are frustrating that it's hard to pinpoint them. That won't stop us from trying, though. Here are a few aspects of being a Fins fan that keep us up at night staring at our Dan Marino memorabilia. 

The Five Most Frustrating Things About Being a Miami Dolphins Fan
Photo by Morgan Coleman

5. The Dolphins will always find a way to frustrate, even in victory. 

Even though the Dolphins beat the Cleveland Browns this past Sunday, most fans still left the game feeling not so great about the Fins' chances of beating an actual NFL team on their schedule. The Dolphins tried their damnedest to lose the game but somehow pulled it out in the end. I'm not talking about the Browns game; I'm speaking of every Dolphins win in the past decade.

Sunday was a microcosm for being a Dolphins fan during the past decade-plus — moments of joy followed by inevitable lows that cause you to realize it's all for naught. 

4. Anyone younger than 40 has only sad Miami Dolphins memories. 

Every Dolphins fan knows the last true successful season was 1984 — more than three decades ago. Fans who can even remember the disappointment of losing in the Super Bowl that year are pushing 40. It's nearing Chicago Cubs-level disappointment at this point. Dolphins fans who think the franchise represents a winner are literally a dying breed.

Not only are there no championship parades being scheduled, but also there are zero playoff games happening in South Florida. It's the reason the Miami Heat is the true top show in town, even during a rebuilding year in 2016. 

3. Ryan Tannehill. Just Ryan Tannehill.

At this point, you sort of have to applaud Ryan Tannehill for being such a wonderful magician. Even though he is sacked more than almost any quarterback in the NFL, and despite the fact that his coaching staff and teammates are constantly changing, Tannehill is somehow still able to consistently put up stats that, on paper, make it look as if the Dolphins have Joe Montana behind center. They don't, but on paper, it seems like they do. 

Tannehill continues to frustrate even the most loyal of fans through his propensity for making the worst play at the worst possible time. He's at his best in the ninth inning, down ten runs. He's chillest when he has already failed a class but still has to take the final. He will save you from a fiery crash once the fire is out. Tannehill is an amazing quarterback when he's not being bad. He also used to play wide receiver in college, if you hadn't heard. 

2. The Dolphins are never bad enough to make themselves good again. 

The Dolphins can't even be bad right; that's part of their downfall. The Fins continually win just enough games to get average picks in the first round of the NFL draft, never a top pick who might turn the franchise around. When you're constantly shopping at the store that held a Black Friday sale a few hours earlier, you'll always end up with picked-over goods.

The Dolphins are perpetually 7-9. If they would have just bitten the bullet and thrown in a few 2-14, 3-13, or 4-12's, they would have themselves a much better chance at some franchise-changing players. Because that situation never happens, the Dolphins are continually looking for anyone of merit to take their huge free-agency dollars — that's no way to build a franchise. 

1. We constantly fall for it. All of it. 

We will never learn. The Dolphins somehow fool us into thinking every year that they will topple the New England Patriots and march into the NFL playoffs as some new kid on the block. Nope. No, that never happens. Rather, come January, Miami fans will be watching Heat games and looking at mock draft projections instead of going to exciting playoff games.

Being a Miami Dolphins fan is a circle of hurt that will never cease. It will continually burn you until you succumb to old age. Resistance is futile. 

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