The Dolphins Would Like to Invite the Naysayers to Eat a Dick Sandwich
The Miami Dolphins shocked the world Sunday, defeating the mighty New England Patriots in Foxboro 38-13. Ronnie Brown accounted for all five touchdowns, leading the previously hapless Fins in their Ike Turner-esque bitch slap of the Patriots in New England. The victory ended the Pats' 21-regular season game winning streak and handed Bill Belichick the worst home loss of his tenure as Patriots head coach.
Sure, many are likely to point to the fact that the Patriots were without Tom Brady. And that’s to be expected because, you know, Patriots fans are complete douchebags, so it’s in their DNA. But that doesn’t negate the fact that the Dolphins steamrolled over New England’s once vaunted defense with 461 total yards and five touchdowns. This coming from a Dolphins offense that couldn’t tell a football from a show just a week ago. And it doesn’t negate the fact that the Patriots offensive line couldn’t contain Joey Porter or his mouth all day long. A beat down like this merits the full credit it deserves. It wasn't just a win. It was a Fuck You! win. And that's the best kind of win there is.
It was a great way for rookie head coach Tony Sparano to earn his first pro victory, and it’s an excellent way for the Fins to head into their bye week break. That means two straight weeks of total bliss for us Dolphins fans. Total. Bliss. The air smells fresher, food tastes better, it’s Monday and we really don’t give a shit. Life is good again. We’ve been waiting a long time to feel this way again. Maybe God hasn’t forgotten us, after all. Maybe he was just fucking with us and thought that it was enough already.
-- Chris Joseph
Get the This Week's Top Stories Newsletter
Every week we collect the latest news, music and arts stories — along with film and food reviews and the best things to do this week — so that you’ll never miss Miami New Times' biggest stories.
- Samir Jemaaoui Jumped to Death After Killing His Wife in South Beach
Sat., Feb. 13, 6:00pm
Sat., Feb. 13, 7:00pm
Mon., Feb. 15, 7:30pm
Thu., Feb. 18, 7:30pm
- Florida LGBT Rights Bill Stalled in Senate By GOP's Bathroom Obsession
- Florida's Largest Apple Store Is Coming to Brickell City Centre