The Dolphins' Ass-Kicking Prowess Has Gone International
And when our boys in aqua in orange are able to come up with a big divisional win on the same day the Jets lose, well that's just Coca-Cola with vanilla ice cream, Lucky Charms with only the marshmallows for breakfast, Jessica Simpson's tits in your face, and Christmas morning all rolled into one. It's outrageously awesome. And it's magically delicious.
Chad Pennington continues to play extremely well. His 181-yards passing
and that get-the-fuck-outta-here sling to Antony Fasano in the endzone
is the stuff cockpunches are made of. And what more can we say about
the Black Mormon? Devone Bess has clearly emerged as The Guy since Greg
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Camarillo was lost for the season, as he turned in a career best 9
catches for 74 yards. He's yet to see the endzone, but you can bet your
Joseph Smith lunchbox he's going to get there before the year is out.
Meanwhile, Bills quarterback J.P. Losman was able to play Houdini for a
while, rushing for 53 yards and slipping out of tackles left and right.
However, he was ultimately done in by two things: A.) He's J.P. Losman
and B.) The ever cock-slinging ways of one Joseph Eugene Porter. Porter
only recorded 2 tackles, but they were both sacks. So until the NFL
figures out a way to statistically record a quarterback running for his
life while a shit stain forms in his pants, Porter's gonna have to live
with just 2 tackles and a forced fumble on the stat sheet. Another key
to victory was the Miami defense shutting down Dolphin-killer Lee
Evans. Cornerback Will Allen and his balls-of-mortar stepped forward
and got the job done. Allen had the play of the game, as he intercepted
a pass in the endzone that was intended for Evans. Buffalo scores the
TD there, we might be out in the streets looking for stray kittens to
set on fire instead of being here, taking in the feel-good vibes of
another Dolphins win. But, as it is, Allen made a huge play, the
Dolphins D held Buffalo to just 163 total yards and just 3 points on
their way to a fourth road win and an 8-5 record.
So now the Dolphins suddenly find themselves in a manage-a-trois tie
for first place in the AFC East. Best part of this is that all the
pressure is really on the two "front runner" teams from the northeast.
The Jets signed Brett Favre in the offseason, so they were expected to
make the playoffs. The Patriots are coming off a 16-0 regular season
and even without Tom Brady, still have Randy Moss and
Self-Satisfied-Dick-Face Bill Bellichick, so they were expected to win
the division. The Dolphins? Coming off a miserable 1-win season, in a
rebuilding year, with an oft-injured Chad Pennington, a rookie head
coach and a washed up Joey Porter. Not a single soul expected them to
be here in December. So it's all good. They're just gonna keep doin'
their thing and let the chips fall where they may, while the bad guys
sweat it out. Miami wins their last three remaining games, they win the
-- Chris Joseph
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