Ten ways Ted Ginn Jr. can repay Miami for the Dolphins' loss to the Saints
There were plenty of Miami Dolphins players who soiled themselves during last Sunday's 46 to 34 loss to the New Orleans Saints. But none more thoroughly than Ted Ginn Jr. His drive-killing drop in the fourth quarter stunk. And his miraculous tip to Darren Sharper, who ran the interception back for a TD in the third quarter, was truly odorific.
We could unleash another tirade, but we're the forgiving, forward-thinking sort of liberals who believe every situation can be made into something positive. So instead, we submit to you the ways Ted Ginn can repay Miami.
10. Build a time machine, go back to 1993, and take up tennis.
9. Dress up as Edward Rubberhands for Halloween.
8. Swim to Cuba, depose the Castro brothers, and hold democratic elections.
7. Buy all the vacant condo units downtown and turn them into affordable housing.
6. Steal every Romero Britto sculpture, melt them down, and fertilize Homestead's family farms.
5. Persuade his dad, Ted Ginn Sr., the Michael Jordan of educators, to move the Ginn Academy to Miami.
4. Get bitten by a radioactive spider.
3. Set up Channing Crowder and Gibril Wilson to fall in love so they quit football and run away to South Beach.
2. Direct traffic on Biscayne Boulevard at 36th Street.
1. Ginn is an Ohio guy. Get LeBron to sign with the Heat and we'll call it even.
Get the Weekly Newsletter
Our weekly feature stories, movie reviews, calendar picks and more - minus the newsprint and sent directly to your inbox.
- Fourth Man Pleads Guilty in Sean Taylor Murder, Sentenced to 30 Years
- Miami's Traffic Has Gotten Worse in the Past Year, Still Seventh-Worst in U.S.
- Killian High Stabbing Suspect Sued Former School Over Football Player Rape Allegations
- After Toxic Cleanup, Runaway Equipment Spoils Merrie Christmas Park Reopening