Ten Things Everyone in Miami Has Gotten Angry About

We've all shared some common rage in Miami.
We've all shared some common rage in Miami.

Miami is a town of deep emotions, but perhaps none runs stronger than anger. We can find almost anything to be angry about. But here are ten things that undoubtedly ire everyone. 

Traffic and Other Drivers 
Does this one need explanation? No. No, it does not. In fact, we could write a ten-point list just about the aspects of driving in Miami that make us all insane, but you've already made this list in your head. So, instead, here's a small sampling of things we've muttered (or maybe yelled) about other drivers while behind the wheel.

  • "Yeah, fuckwad, I know leasing that Beemer is ruining your credit, so joke's on you." 
  • "I'd tell you to keep driving to Boca if you're gonna go that slowly, but, actually, you need to get off the road immediately. Just get off at the nearest exit and find the closest parking space. Never drive again. Stay there for the rest of your life. Die there. Die in that parking space. Preferably soon." 
  • "I hope you make a like German tourist and make a wrong turn." 

Everyone Always Running Late 
It's well known that timekeeping devices in Miami do not work. Perhaps it's a side effect of the Bermuda Triangle. As a result, no one here is ever prompt for anything. Ever. 

Yet there will come a time when we'll hope in vain that the person we're waiting for will be the exception. Perhaps we've even done our best to plan ahead and even told them to arrive a full hour before we actually need them there. Somehow that person still shows up 45 minutes late for the preferred, actual time of the meeting. 

We will get angry. We'll send passive-aggressive texts while waiting for them. However, we will pull the same stunt ourselves to another person next week. 

The Realization That We Don't Even Know What Good Customer Service Is Anymore
We'll automatically tip 20 percent to any waiter who bothers to at least make eye contact. That's it. That's all they need to do. The cashier at the gas station who decides to close the register and count some cash even after I've already been waiting in line is totally acceptable. Sitting 30 minutes in a McDonald's drive-thru line that wasn't actually backed up that far to begin with just seems normal at this point. We're just worn down. At times, it seems like the portion of our brains with the ability to judge good customer service has been removed. That is, until that rare moment in which we encounter someone with good service and we respond by silently screaming inside, "Why isn't everyone like this? Why is this town so clueless when it comes to serving the people giving them money?"

Paying Too Damn Much for a Simple Vodka Soda or Bud Light 
Miami is a world-class tourist destination, and nightclubs are essentially tourist traps (world-class tourist traps, but still). They lure visitors because that's just what out-of-towners do when they come here, and then they get hit with outrageous hidden fees — in this case, in the form of drink prices. Really, if half of these places have anything resembling an actual menu, it certainly is well hidden. 

As locals, we all ostensibly know this fact. Yet we can't help but occasionally find ourselves at one of these places shortly after it opens. Can't let those tourists think they're cooler than we are. 

After waiting 15 minutes to get the bartender's attention, we will order a simple house vodka and soda and be asked to pay something like $18 for the privilege, and then we will be pissed. We knew it was coming, but we'll still be pissed. 

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