Ten Differences Between Miamians and New Yorkers

Ten Differences Between Miamians and New Yorkers

We survived the New York invasion that is Art Basel, but make no mistake: New Yorkers are still very much among us and will be for the rest of the season. While both cities may be noted for their diverse makeup, rudeness, and cosmopolitan flair, we still can't help but view New Yorkers as something of a strange breed very different from ourselves.

Oh sure, this list of ten differences between Miamians and New Yorkers relies a bit too heavily on stereotypes of the jet-setting type of New Yorker who flies here for Basel and New Year's Eve. But considering most New Yorkers are convinced the only part of Miami is South Beach, we don't feel too bad about it.

New Yorkers judge a party by the guest list. Miamians judge a party by how fun it is.

New Yorkers like to pretend they're unphased by celebs and other boldfaced notables, but read just about any party or nightlife report in New York City and you'll find a list of the VIP in attendance high up in the story. Miamians, meanwhile, seem to get more excited about elements of a party that would play into their own personal pleasure. Namely, free booze, dancing, and a concentration of good-looking people they might actually have a shot with.

Let's put it this way: New Yorkers would go to a letter opening if it were hosted by Anna Wintour, Lena Dunham, and Jay Z. Miamians would go to a letter opening if there were a good DJ and an open bar.

New Yorkers Can't Dance

Poor New Yorkers. It's not totally their fault. Mayor Rudi Giuliani's dumbest legacy is his no-dancing law that literally prohibits more than three people dancing at any given time in a bar or nightclub without the proper license. Have you seen New Yorkers try to cut it at a Miami party? It's all finger-pointing and awkward side steps. Miamians, meanwhile, pretty much take the opportunity to dance just about anywhere, and no one can stop them.

New Yorkers are afraid of color in the wardrobe. Miamians certainly aren't.

Here's what happens when you Google "New York Style":

Ten Differences Between Miamians and New Yorkers

So bland! So neutral!

Here's what happens when you Google Image search "Miami style." (With the embracing caveat that we had to filter out searches involving the Kardashians. Damn it, gossip blogs!)

Ten Differences Between Miamians and New Yorkers

Wow! Much color! Such patterns!

Miamians can't drive well. New Yorkers just can't drive.

A word of warning to anyone from lesser cities: Never get into a car with either a Miamian or a New Yorker, but for two different reasons. Most Miamians drive every damn day -- in Miami -- which has left them soulless monsters behind the wheel, ready to cut off anyone and lurch across three lanes of traffic without so much as a nod, much less a blinker. New Yorkers, on the other hand, never drive. They just kind of sit behind the wheel while blabbering about the subway and how they haven't had a car since they graduated from Sarah Lawrence.

New Yorkers care who their neighbors are. Miamians know better than to ask.

The most notorious facet of high-end New York real estate are the co-op boards. Before you move into a fancy condo building, you have to sit before your potential neighbors and answer all sorts of crazy questions about your life and personal finances. Miamians, conversely, know better than to do that. If you buy a luxury condo in Miami, you take on the very real risk that you'll be living next door to a porn mogul, drug kingpin, or Russian mobster. Ignorance is bliss.

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