Halloween is right around the corner, and if you haven't already, now is the time to pick up a costume. By now, Walmart's cookie-cutter dress-up shelves look like the Publix bottled water section when a hurricane is churning in the Gulf.
Sometimes the best Halloween ideas are right under your nose -- maybe it's a character you already look just like, or something that reflects your inner personality. Riptide thought we might lend a hand to a few of our South Florida sports stars, seeing as they may be a tad busy for Halloween nonsense at this very moment, and provide a few costume ideas we would love to see them try to pull off.
LeBron as Dracula
King James is the most terrifying character in the NBA. He lives off the blood of his opponents. Sometimes he seems to have that whole "transform-into-a-bat-to-fly-over-people's heads" thing going on. All he's missing in the cape and the teeth, honestly.
Jose Fernandez as Justin Bieber
He's the baby-faced sensation at Marlins Park, where
legions ... OK, a few thousand fans flock to see him beat down batters like a teen idol destroying tweens' hearts. Yes, we are all Beliebers in Jose Fernandez.
Birdman as Jax from Sons of Anarchy
Is anyone positive that Birdman doesn't star in Sons of Anarchy in the off-season? Has anyone seen Chris Andersen and Charlie Hunnam in a room together?
Giancarlo Stanton as The Rock
We can all smell what Giancarlo is cookin: Inhuman power, a WWE body in MLB, and an overwhelming urge to get off a terrible franchise where he's perhaps the only legitimate big-league hitter.
Ryan and Lauren Tannehill as Ron Burgundy and Veronica Corningstone
Last year, Ryan and Lauren were the fresh-faced, All-American couple Miami was ready to fall in love with. This year, after throwing seven picks in six games and essentially closing last weekend's Buffalo game with a "You go fuck yourself, Miami!", Tannehill is more like "milk was a bad choice," homeless Ron Burgandy. Lauren, like Veronica, is of course still hot and beloved.
Norris Cole as Kid from Kid and Play
Little known fact: Norris Cole's flat-top is actually the result of a ground-breaking hair-ectomy transplant carried out on Kid before his rookie year on the Heat.
Jeffrey Loria as Mr. Burns
Fresh off a tiring day of knocking over street urchins to steal the coins from their paper cups and burning down orphanages for the insurance money, Jeffrey Loria likes to relax in the stadium he tricked broke Miami taxpayers into building for him and assuring himself, "Boo-urns. They're saying 'Boo-urns!'"
Dwyane Wade as Dwayne Wayne from "A Different World"
Dwayne Wayne was a mathematical genius, while Dwyane Wade is blessed with genius-level basketball IQ. Wayne is known for highlighting serious social issues in a hilarious fashion, while Wade is famed for his work with Wade's World. Both enjoy wearing sweet Mr. Rogers sweaters.
Chris Bosh as Boshy Bear
Sure, Bosh could simply shed his disguise on Halloween and go in his true form, as a noble interstellar prince, but where's the fun in that?
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Ray Allen as "Jesus Shuttlesworth"
Repeating his role from "He Got Game" would be a little too easy. Time to get literal, Ray Ray.
(Photo illustrations all by @DunnRyanC.)