Stynx, Shark Teeth, and the Funnest Guy at the Racetrack
Every Friday, Riptide brings you the most eye-catching mugshots taken the previous week (or thereabouts) in Miami-Dade County. Yes, there is some mockery of bad neck tattoos, but also adulation directed at perps who just plain look more badass than we ever will. This is the italicized intro to that series.
Charged with: Disorderly intoxication
We just checked with our music editor. There's no band called Stynx. So either this guy is a huge Styx fan and his jailhouse tattoo artist's trademark was putting an extra "n" into everything or... something stynx.
Charged with: Possession of cocaine with intent to sell, resisting officer without violence
Maybe it's yo' upper lip.
Charged with: Criminal Mischief, grand theft third degree
BAM. All the world's secrets are stored in that chin.
Charged with: Aggravated battery of a pregnant victim
We've seen some scary mugshots 'round these parts. But never before has our fetus hurt just looking at one.
Charged with: Cocaine possession, possession of cocaine with intent to deliver
On a lighter note, remember when everybody was wearing shark teeth because of Crocodile Dundee? Well, this fella aims to bring the fad back into style, and if you don't believe him, he'll stab you with his shark tooth.
Charged with: Driving under the influence, driving while license suspended (habitual)
We don't condone driving drunk all the time. We do condone, however, hanging with this guy at the racetrack. Something tells us he's the kind of guy who picks his ponies based on the sexual innuendo of their names, and has it in sweet with a cafe girl so he gets free ice cream cones.
Charged with: Cocaine possession, cannabis possession with intent to sell
That's the face you make when somebody at the table over in a restaurant is saying something offensive. Either that, or he's getting booked next to the Stynx guy.
Charged with: Burglary, grand theft third degree
"You are looking at my hair, yes? You are wondering how it is so bouncy?"
Charged with: Mischief involving a public telephone, battery, disorderly conduct, child abuse
He probably makes this face whenever somebody says the words "Dirk Nowitzki".
Get the This Week's Top Stories Newsletter
Every week we collect the latest news, music and arts stories — along with film and food reviews and the best things to do this week — so that you’ll never miss Miami New Times' biggest stories.