South Beach Is Miami's Best Neighborhood, Hands Down

South Beach: Miami's best neighborhood
South Beach: Miami's best neighborhood

This is going to sound weird, but South Beach, I love you. I arrived to your sandy shores three and a half years ago: a moon-eyed Midwesterner with a century's supply of sunscreen, regular sleep patterns, and a steady girlfriend. Now I'm a single, sun-scorched insomniac -- and I couldn't be happier.

That's because South Beach is the best neighborhood in Miami. Set aside your snarky SoBe prejudices and consider this: We're home to the best beaches, bodies, and bars or restaurants in town. We're the glamorous, glittery, glowing neon nerve center of the city, perhaps the entire country. And, oh yeah, we've got terrific boobs.

So you can keep your Brickell condo, your house in Hialeah, and your Wynwood warehouse loft. South Beach is the spot to be, and here's why.

See also: North Beach Is the Best Neighborhood in Miami, and Here's Why

South Beach Is Miami's Best Neighborhood, Hands Down

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10. We know how to party. Guilty as charged. People act like it's a bad thing that gorgeous women and bros with abs you could use as a barbecue pack South Beach's clubs every night of the week. I don't see a problem. No one has force-fed me molly and made me grind on a stranger until my underwear chafes.

Nor is South Beach all mega clubs with velvet ropes, bouncers, and bottle service. Sure, we've got that, but we also have local dives, sports bars, gay clubs, and swanky cocktail lounges. There's something for everyone. It's all a bit expensive, but hey: if we wanted to save money, we'd live in North Beach. Shudder.

And as for the tourists who also come here to live it up, they're only a nuisance if you want them to be. Sex with a tourist is the third best kind, or so we've been told. So yeah, South Beach knows how to party.

Robert "Raven" Kraft is just one of many SoBe runners
Robert "Raven" Kraft is just one of many SoBe runners

9. But that's not all we do. The people who knock South Beach the most are usually the ones who are here the least, like the Brickell bros who taxi over here once a month, step into another bro's vomit, and vow to never come back. But those of who live here know that SoBe is so much more than a cocaine-encrusted EDM mecca.

Try waking up early -- or staying up all night -- while the tourists are still out cold and walking SoBe's streets. You'll find locals in their least fashionable lycra out for a morning jog, or braving the chilly winter waters for a swim. You'll find construction workers and bar-backs sharing a ventanita coffee on their way to and from work, respectively.

Underneath the glitz and the glamour, South Beach is a real neighborhood. We've got Miami's best public library branch, amazing museums like the Bass and the Wolfsonian, Botanical Gardens, and cafes.

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