Unless you're under house arrest or are bedridden with bronchitis, there's really no reason to have sex indoors. Walls are so Topeka-ish.
We live in a subtropical paradise with very loose morals. There may not be a better city in the world in which to penetrate a friend in the fresh air.
For our upcoming Sex Issue, we scoured our expertise for the best places to have sex in public in Miami-Dade County. We've excerpted a couple here.
Our lawyer asked us to remind you: outdoor sex is illegal, and if you get caught porking it in the Everglades, don't call us for bail money.
The upside of having sex at Miami's only "clothing-optional" beach is everybody's already naked, and if you go into the water, nobody can see you (unless they're wearing goggles), and there's just a lot of gray area there. Who's to say you weren't only hugging your friend-- from behind-- and it slipped in? The downside to having sex here is you'll get sand in places even the bravest urologist or gynecologist won't traverse, and also jellyfish. Evil, evil jellyfish.
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The men's bathroom in Mansion
(It's not technically outdoors, but it's definitely in the wild.) There are a couple of obstacles to getting it on here. The foremost is the nosy bathroom attendant, who's sick of spray-tanned people fornicating in his workplace but is also the easiest person to bribe in Miami-Dade County. ($3.) The second hurdle is convincing your more-scrupulous companion to carnally intermingle in a stall puddled with vomit while LMFAO blares overhead. But to drop your dragon-embroidered jeans and lift your partner's mini-dress over her hair poof and copulate in a standing position in these environs... It's the Miami version of scaling Everest. Shots! Shots! Shots!
Whoa, we were kind of in a trance when we wrote that. Be sure to check out the rest of the list, and the entire Sex Issue, when it's published this week.