See, We're Not the Only State That Can Screw Up an Election
It has been over eight years now since Florida changed the history of the world forever by not being able to count votes correctly, and we have been apologizing for it ever sense. I mean, we weren't sorry enough to not vote for Bush in 2004, and Broward County wasn't sorry enough to avoid that whole Miriam Oliphant scandal, and we weren't sorry enough to avoid that whole meaningless primary debacle last year (but hey, that worked out pretty well for Obama, didn't it?). But we were sorry enough about it to vote for Obama by a pretty big margin in 2008. So can you please shut up about it now, especially considering it seems no one else knows what to do with a razor-thin election, either.
It is April, and Minnesota still does not have a Senator. There were lizard people involved in that election battle. Lizard people! The worst we had was hanging chads! While it seems like admitted SNL cast member Al Franken will eventually take the seat, the GOP might try and drag the legal battle out for years.
Meanwhile, up in some rural portion of New York the special election to fill Senator Kirsten Gillibrand's former House seat is still weeks away from having a winner.
See, the whole Florida 2000 election had nothing to do with any inbred
stupidity of the Florida people as so many jokes tried to imply (shut
up, half these people aren't even from Florida in the first place), but
everything to do with the fact that our election system kind of breaks
down when races come down to a fraction of a percent. Add in tons of
partisan lawyers, shreaking cable tv heads, and copious amounts of
party money (and in our case some stupid, outdated system known as the
Electoral Congress) and of course it's going to turn into a three ring
So stop blaming us, the innocent people of Florida, for
the 2000 election debacle (though, we will take full blame and shame
for Katharine Harris).
Get the This Week's Top Stories Newsletter
Every week we collect the latest news, music and arts stories — along with film and food reviews and the best things to do this week — so that you’ll never miss Miami New Times' biggest stories.
- Put Every Toll Increase to a Local Vote, New Petition Argues
Sun., Aug. 2, 1:05pm
Tue., Aug. 4, 6:35pm
Wed., Aug. 5, 6:35pm
Thu., Aug. 6, 6:35pm
- Miami Dolphins Fans' Survival Guide to Training Camp
- Boxer Yathomas Riley Charged With Murdering Wife Three Years After Beating Similar...