Poor, poor Florida Marlins. They have just 600 fans, and one of them happens to be Scott Stapp.
This Jesus-looking dude, if you'll remember, was the lead singer of Christian rock band Creed. (Yes, they were a thing once).
In 2004, after peaking with the band, he went solo, crashed and burned, and married a Miss Florida America winner in our Magic City.
He's become a huge Marlins fan in the meantime, so much, that he was invited to perform the national anthem at the home opener against the Los Angeles Dodgers.
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Stapp got so excited about the gig, he accidentally swallowed a ball of tobaccy before launching into a rendition of the Star Spangled Banner that's a step above Roseanne Barr's, and several dozen below Michael Bolton's. The constipated performance, below:
Oh the humanity! Stapp has also rewritten and dedicated one of his old songs to the Marlins. Haven't those 600 people suffered enough? Thanks for that tip to Walkoffwalk. The lyrics: "One strike, two strikes, swing away/A diving catch, a stolen miss/A perfect game, a trampled play/Series champions we will be."
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