Poor, poor Florida Marlins. They have just 600 fans, and one of them happens to be Scott Stapp.
This Jesus-looking dude, if you'll remember, was the lead singer of Christian rock band Creed. (Yes, they were a thing once).
In 2004, after peaking with the band, he went solo, crashed and burned, and married a Miss Florida America winner in our Magic City.
He's become a huge Marlins fan in the meantime, so much, that he was invited to perform the national anthem at the home opener against the Los Angeles Dodgers.
Stapp got so excited about the gig, he accidentally swallowed a ball of tobaccy before launching into a rendition of the Star Spangled Banner that's a step above Roseanne Barr's, and several dozen below Michael Bolton's. The constipated performance, below:
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Oh the humanity! Stapp has also rewritten and dedicated one of his old songs to the Marlins. Haven't those 600 people suffered enough? Thanks for that tip to Walkoffwalk. The lyrics: "One strike, two strikes, swing away/A diving catch, a stolen miss/A perfect game, a trampled play/Series champions we will be."
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