Republican Party of Florida Just Writing Weird Fan Fiction About Charlie Crist Now
This is an actual press release sent out by an actual political party. The Republican Party of Florida to be exact. Someone (or perhaps multiple someones) actually wrote this, and made a Photoshop and decided it would be a good idea to send out.
After a brief estrangement, professional political candidate Charlie Crist has apparently reforged his alliance with his hand-picked political co-star, Jim Greer, and the two are now trying to leverage it into a new, blockbuster theatrical release.
In a delicately choreographed TV teaser, the two former political co-conspirators thrilled MSNBC viewers this week in a coordinated duet, with supporting roles filled admirably by Al Sharpton and Rachael Maddow.
The teaser served as a nostalgic reminder, not only of Charlie Crist's finely-honed acting skills and his electrifying chemistry with Jim Greer, but also of the hundreds of thousands of lost jobs and record foreclosures in Florida when Crist was on the political "A-List."
In front of a camera, Charlie Crist has the ability to meld into any character - from "Chain Gang Charlie" to sympathetic "Man of the People" - there is seemingly no role that he can't play. And when paired with Greer, the two men are a formidable duo perfect for big-budget disaster films.
The plot of Crist's first movie co-starring Greer, titled "Shipwreck," began with Crist playing the role of the ambitious Captain Stimulus, who immediately rams his ship, the S.S. Florida, into an iceberg and it starts taking on water. Crist does an amazing job of channeling the tragic, deeply flawed character of Captain Stimulus in a memorable scene where, even as the S.S. Florida is slipping under the water, he and his ever-present First Mate, played by sidekick Greer, ignore the looming disaster to plot the takeover of a new ship steaming for Washington, D.C.
Their scheme fails miserably, and the film ends with the iconic image of Captain Stimulus and his First Mate floating away from the wreckage, Crist perched in a lifeboat, and Greer pathetically begging to come aboard. In the haunting closing shot, the cold, unmoved Captain Stimulus loosens his grip and lets his old buddy sink from view.
But despite the stellar acting, the film got mixed reviews by the press and was panned at the box office. Media reports say that Crist and Greer then had a falling out. Greer made sensational accusations about Crist, and Crist retaliated in the media, describing Greer's shocking allegations as "delusional lies."
That was then, and this is now. The paparazzi are once again dutifully reporting Crist and Greer's every utterance as though the fate of millions hang in the balance, and the few fans of the original film are buzzing at the reunion of these two characters and the prospect of a sequel. Many questions remain unanswered about the plot of their new film, but it appears that Charlie Crist and Jim Greer have buried the hatchet and are ready to light up the silver screen together again.
Stay tuned as more details emerge about their next major motion picture...
The only thing I'm taking away form this is that the RPOF just admitted that there were "hundreds of thousands of lost jobs and record foreclosures" under a Republican governor and his Republican-controlled legislature.
That and the fact they're bringing up the gossip about Bahamian prostitutes, which, if true, would have involved other GOP big wigs and donors. Maybe that's not a good idea to bring up, you guys.
Like, seriously, it really is not a good idea for the Republican Party of Florida to remind people how shady the Republican Party is in Florida.
Anyway, I'd rather just go see Rick Scott's turn in the remake of Stephen King's It.
Follow Miami New Times on Facebook and Twitter @MiamiNewTimes.
Get the Weekly Newsletter
Our weekly feature stories, movie reviews, calendar picks and more - minus the newsprint and sent directly to your inbox.