As God as our witness, Florida will not rest until we put a bullet between the eyes of every alien python, anaconda, and monitor lizard in this state. They have taken our pets, they have taken our Everglades, they have taken our alligators, they have even taken our children, and this means war.
The Florida Fish and Wildlife Conservation Commission has called open season on "reptiles of concern" from March 8 through April 17. Registered hunters can pay a $26 fee and will be able to freely kill these beasts on state-managed lands around the Everglades.
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The renegade reptiles on the list include Burmese pythons, Indian pythons, African rock pythons, green anacondas, and Nile monitor lizards.
Many of these creatures were brought to Florida as pets, but clueless, irresponsible owners either dumped them in the wild when they grew too large, or didn't take proper precautions to ensure they didn't escape.
They've upset the ecosystem and are a danger to other animals and children alike. Scientists have warned that different types of pythons could interbreed, resulting in a hybrid supersnake.
So if you've got a gun, get out to the Everglades and kill 'em. This is one of the reasons why we have the Second Amendment, all right. Just make sure to, you know, not accidentally shoot a hunting buddy or any of Florida's native endangered species.