It's Tuesday. It's rainy. You've got a head cold. There's a three-day weekend coming and you're just coasting until it's time for roman candles and Coronas.
Well, snap out of it, dammit. The Fourth of July may be Friday, but America's fourth World Cup game is today. This afternoon, Team America (f--k yeah!) plays Belgium in a second-round elimination game. It's Clint Dempsey vs. Eden Hazard. Tim Howard vs. Romelu Lukaku. Budweiser vs. Stella Artois*. Jackson Pollock vs. René Magritte. Uncle Sam vs. Professor Edward J. de Smedt.
And just in case a visceral hatred of de Smedt isn't enough to get your juices flowing, former Miami Beach mayoral candidate Steve Berke has a music video he'd like to show you. It's full of techno, T&A, and American soccer fans hurling themselves from second-story windows out of passion for the game.
The stars (and stripes) seem to be aligned for United States soccer. A massive turnout of Americans in Brazil this summer. Record World Cup viewership here in the U.S. And a surprisingly manageable second-round matchup with an underperforming batch of Belgians.
But it hasn't been easy. The game versus Ghana was a nail-biter. The tie with Portugal was gut-wrenching. And the loss to Germany was just close enough to keep our hopes alive. All the while, soccer cynics such as Ann Coulter were attacking the sport like a starving Luis Suarez.
Things have been particularly tough for soccer fans in Miami. Even before the World Cup, politicians twice blocked David Beckham's shot at a downtown MLS stadium. Then USA star and Sunshine State native Jozy Altidore pulled up lame just 20 minutes into the tournament. Finally, when Portugal tied us in extra time, local superfan Eric Corey fell out of Fado's window.
Berke, a tennis star turned stand-up comedian turned politician, happened to be at Fado Irish Pub to see Corey's collapse. He decided to splice footage of the fall -- and Corey's recovery -- with music by DJ Carlos Danger and video of models in skimpy patriotic outfits playing soccer.
Berke calls the result "a pretty epic Team USA support video, dedicated from the fans of Miami."
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SHOW ME HOW
*OK. So, technically, Belgium has already won the beer battle.