Ravens at Dolphins This Sunday: Four Keys For a Fins Win
After a humbling loss to the Saints, how will the Dolphins bounce back? What can they do? Who do they want to be? Are they better than what that performance delineated? Are they worse than what their record tells us?
The season will answer these questions with unforgiving evidence. The path to that answer begins, in earnest, this Sunday when the Dolphins take on a resurgent defending Super Bowl champion.
The Ravens are fucked -- their offense is terrible and their defense is middling -- but they come into Sun Life 2-0 in the last five seasons (including playoffs). The Dolphins -- fresh of the good steaks-and-blowjobs pary of the past three weeks -- MUST bounce back before the bye week to get their confidence back. BUT HOOOOW???
Some possibly awesome hopefully ways to do this:
1. Truly Good Teams Bounce Back
Fuck the Saints. Fuck the loss. Fuck the hype. Come back on Sunday and play tough, hard-nosed, mistake-free football. The mark of any good team is how they respond to adversity and failure. During the third quarter last Monday, the Dolphins recoiled into scared prison snitches come shower time. They could do no right and it subsequently opened a large gaping hole into their VERY SOULS. That can't happen on Sunday. The Ravens have had our number lately and if there was ever an opportunity to dig out of the shitty mire that is being a Dolphins player, coach, front office person and, above all, fan it comes on Sunday against a former Super Bowl champion. Jesus Christ for the love of God just beat the bloody shit out of them. Surprise us!
2. Mike Wallace Needs to Get it Fucking Going
We gave $60 million to Mike Wallace. This is the fifth game of the season. His numbers are barely above Reshard Matthews. That is not acceptable. He needs to visit a brujera, or get a despojo or figure out whatever the fuck is ailing these Miami free agent wide receivers. He dropped two key passes in the Saints game including a possible TD. Mike Wallace has not been the balls-up wide receiver Jeff Ireland and company envisioned and being 'worried' about it doesn't help. No matter how you slice it: Mike Wallace has been a disappointment thus far as a Dolphin.
3. Take Advantage of Opportunities Against The Ravens Offense
The Ravens' 28th-ranked offense is struggling -- and it has been all season since losing Anquan Boldin and suffering injuries to Jacoby Jones and Ray Rice. The Ravens are vulnerable right now and this game is a good opportunity to take advantage of that. Not only will Cameron Wake possibly be back to pressure Flacco (Drew Brees, he is not) but the Ravens are a terrible running team, thus making them a one-dimensional team with no great wide receivers. For the first time this season, there's not even a scary tight end to gash us for several touchdowns. This is a great team to bounce back from a loss with and still retain some sense of dignity.
4. The Offensive Line is Dead to Me
This is you!
You're dead to me!!! Ryan Clabo, Jonathan Martin -- you're useless!!! You're ranked about 576th and 687th on PFF's rankings! Useless! Bury your heads in the field and fart at opposing defenders BECAUSE THAT WOULD BE MORE FORMIDABLE THAN YOU ACTUALLY PLAYING OFFENSIVE LINE!
Your Miami Dolphins take on the Baltimore Ravens this Sunday at Sun Life Stadium. Kickoff is at 1 p.m.
Get the Weekly Newsletter
Our weekly feature stories, movie reviews, calendar picks and more - minus the newsprint and sent directly to your inbox.
- Men Robbing a 7-Eleven Scared Away by Oven Timer
Fri., May 29, 6 p.m.
Fri., May 29, 6:35 p.m.
Fri., May 29, 7 p.m.
Sat., May 30, 1 p.m.
- Yuri Sucart: A-Rod's Half Brother Tied To Undercover Biogenesis Sting
- Rappers Should Lead Protests Against Police, Not Pop Bottles In VIP Sections