Kids, you might not want to let your parents read today's column. Things could get a little rough, just like real life. Most people who spend their evenings "smokin' weed and drinkin'" end up fat and lazy, the television cable hooked intravenously to their flabby arms. Others get their eyeball shot out. Yo, G -- it be Bushwick, Bushwick Motherfuckin' Bill to you, breakin' out on the solo tip (ego trip) and cuttin' the true story of the night that bitch Everclear fogged him up and got him shot. (Translation: My friend, we're talking about rapper Bushwick Bill, the 4-foot-2 Geto Boys mike man, who lost an eye after getting wasted and messing with a gun.) He'll be droppin' soon an album, Little Big Man.
Geto Boys broke out with an eponymous album that featured "Mind of a Lunatic," about a psycho who bum rushes a bitch, snuffs her, then romps with the corpse. The Boys' label, Geffen, home of Guns N' Roses and the attendant faggots and niggas, refused to release it after Chris Blackwell admonished David Geffen over lunch at some floot jive restaurant the Boys'll never (be able to) eat at. Dumb fuckin' white boys for ya -- the Fifth Ward posse sequeled with We Can't Be Stopped. Sucker went platinum, straight up. The single "Mind Playing Tricks on Me," possibly the most melodically hookful rap tune ever -- clear? -- also went plat. Bam.
All that suck-cess go straight to your head faster'n a gat blast. Now all the Geto homeboys slingin' solos. Advances of Bushwick's stuff's dope, "Ever So Clear" grinding a fresh groove like "Mind Playing Tricks." The video shows an eyeball floating in a glass of what looks like Everclear. Scope for it on MTV real soon. Little short motherfuckin' Bushwick, who gotta get a running start to jump up on the commode, has a motto: "I'd rather be hated for what I am than loved for what I'm not." Don't fuck with him, he crazy.
Brother Boy Willie D., meanwhile, knows enough about the music get biz to know how to kick the breadheads movin'. His solo single, due out any minute now, is "Fuck Rodney King." Damn straight the media's jumping that dog like a junkie finding somebody else's kilo, just like Willie D. said'd happen. "Already causing concerns and making us wee-wee," writes Chuck Philips in the Los Angeles Times. "Already causing a commotion and making us wee-wee," states Hits magazine. "Irresponsible and making me wee-wee," says Janine McAdams in her Billboard column. Yo, breads: damn thing ain't even out yet. Chill it.
The song, by the way, says Rodney King's a sellout chump who shoulda been shot, or at least deserves to be beaten some more (finally a homey song the cops can be down wit'!). Willie D.'s next scam: He'll be at the Republican Convention in his hometown of Houston (not the bloody streets of the Fifth Ward, but the Asstrodome) towing a coffin, maybe, for symbolism, and Tom Leykus, the former SoFlo radio personality who will broadcast live remotes to Los Angeles listeners. I'm sure George Bushwick will invite Willie to keynote. Real soon.
Big-time studio Criteria doesn't want anyone to know when R.E.M. or some other can't-be-annoyed-by-the-people-who-made-them-rich band cuts some tracks there, but the studio's honchos sure beam proud when they record local bands, and it's right they should. Forget the Name, Purple Mustard, F.O.C., Prodigy, and Natural Causes top the list of locals using the venerated North Miami facilities of late.
Bandless Mary Karlzen is cutting an EP CD at, yes, Criteria, for fall release. She'll also perform at the underhyped Camillus House benefit August 27 with Nuclear Valdez's Jorge Barcala on guitar and Forget the Name's Derek Murphy on drums. That line-up will, of course, perform together this one time only.
Another Rock the Vote convention on the horizon: September 12 at the Fort Lauderdale Swap Shop, with three local bands.
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Blow off some steam spots: Arra and Co. at the Holiday Inn on Collins Avenue and 22nd every Tuesday. Gary King and the Dream with Timmy Thomas play the Musicians Exchange for the first time, this weekend. And over at Churchill's Hideaway, it's flashback to the vintage days with a concert by Myrin and the 2 Wotz on Thursday and Charlie Pickett, Esq. on Friday. The Dillengers rockabilly into Shuckers on Friday.
Dab in the middle of recording, RBT has found themselves drummerless. Stickers should call Chip at 593-6969.
A new live-music spot, and this time it ain't no rumor. This Monday begins regular off-night shows at the Hollywood Cinema (at Young Circle). DK Enterprises stages Roach Thompson Blues Band and Piano Bob and the Snowman (both winners as best local blues bands, Roach in '91, Bob and Snow in '92) with some proceeds to benefit St. John's Soup Kitchen on Buchanan Street. Tuesday it's Split Image and Crash Palace (formerly Down By Law). The idea, promoters say, is to provide Broward with a venue similar to Miami Beach's Cameo and West Palm's Carefree.
Butthorn of the week: All due respect (and thanks) to Fantasma for promoting the auspicious Jazz Over South Florida Concert Series, but I still find it disgusting the way promoters and Ticketmaster conspire to screw poor working people like you and me. Series tickets for these over-the-top concerts -- Grover Washington, Jr., Ray Charles, Pat Metheny, Al Jarreau -- go on sale this Sunday. They went on sale August 16 -- to holders of certain high-octane credit cards we're not about to publicize here. Individual show tickets go on sale August 30 for the privileged, September 13 for us. That's unfair. That's bogus. That's butthornity.