Between Hurricane Andrew and the holidays, it'll be a miracle if there are survivors. This is what we celebrate on the eve of 1993: skyrocketing numbers of reports about domestic violence (a true holiday tradition), thousands of homeless in South Dade (40 percent -- I say 40 percent -- of them children), homelessness elsewhere (of course), soldiers in Somalia, animals abandoned to suffer, crack on every corner, and a partridge in a pear tree. Isn't this festive!
A mega big happy anniversary to Rock & Roll Revisited, the bastion of oldies that airs every Sunday from 6:00 to 8:00 p.m. on WLRN-FM (91.3). The show's been on the air since 1971, when it debuted in Philadelphia, moving to Miami in 1976 and going strong since. Host Bob Pianka -- the oldies man -- celebrates this week with recordings of Alan Freed from 1954-57 and the usual fun. Congrats on seventeen, here's to at least seventeen more.
Perform school: Secret Oktober reveals itself tonight (Wednesday) at Squeeze, where Marilyn Manson plays on New Year's Eve. This Saturday Swyambu shoots the cat at Washington Square with Drive Choir and Arsonal. Also Saturday, Load joins Human Oddities and Ima at Churchill's Hideaway.
If you've forgotten, missed altogether, or really got off on the Slammie awards festivities, you might want to pick up the video documentation, featuring Malevolent Creation, Raped Ape, Solstice, Amboog-a-lard, Meatlocker, and Load -- 24 songs total, two hours of awards presentations and lovely crowd shots. It costs $8, sent to Primitive Productions, PO Box 5891, Lake Worth, FL 33461.
Pretty cool, pretty weird: One must wonder if Frank R.B. Falestra likes the new song by Prime Minister Pete and Daddy Rich (both formerly of 3rd Bass). It's called "Rat Bastard."
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Hope you took our tip and checked Glenn Richards's WSHE-FM show on the 20th -- Rooster Head responded interestingly to Richards's questions, and the DJ played a ton of the band's music, including the Christmas song, as violent and ugly as Christmas itself. Great stuff. While we're at it, let's quote a Head song and invite all dear readers to respond with essays (extremely brief ones, please) about what these lyrics mean, or about anything else you feel like essaying about in order to get your name in this alleged column: "We're not the Beatles/And we're not the Dogs/We're just the singers/That Bob asked along/And serious thoughts are always on my mind/If I could only speak them without smiling." Yes, you can always phone in your thoughts. I have nothing else to do.
We're getting a bit tired of vodka, so it's a switch to tequila. Jose Cuervo is sponsoring a contest to raise money to help farmers. Performers in any genre are welcome to submit a cassette (up to three songs) along with a check or money order for $25 payable to FarmAid. The address is Jose Cuervo Quest for FarmAid Gold, PO Box 22599, Nashville, TN 37202. You must be 21 and have salt on your hand. Deadline is February 15. A panel of alleged experts will select regional winners, who will perform at battles of the bands in five cities. The survivors of that go to Ames, Iowa, the night before the big FarmAid VI concert, play for the star performers, who will choose the big winner. Prize: a chance to perform at the show, a booking agent's services, and the opportunity to cut a demo. Pass the lime, please.
Butthorn of the week: So the other morning I'm in a time-crush groove, gotta know now if it's 9:00 a.m., so I flip on WIOD-AM and hope morning man Mike Reineri might be nice enough to mention the time. And, praise goodness' sakes, he does! "It's nine-oh, nine-oh," he says on the air. Nine-oh, nine-oh. What the hell does that mean?
The media circus: Penn and Teller's current book, How to Play with Your Food, is dangerous. (It's fun and funny, too, but this is a consumer alert item.) The practical-joke guide includes a diner-style sugar pack made of a material that doesn't tear open. Ha! That'll drive the bozos nuts! But the joke's on P&T, and their publisher, Villard Books. You can cut the packet open with scissors, and, sources say, you can even rip it open if you hold it at a certain angle. If you do get it open, you'll find that ain't sugar in there. It's apparently some sort of silica gel (a drying agent) and, as one publicist aptly put it, "it's not fit for consumption." In other words, it'll burn your tongue. Bookstores should've pulled all copies by now. If you already bought, you can exchange the whole book, or get a card for a new gag sugar pack. (Or just ignore this and keep the original as a potential collector's item.) Call 800-726-0600 or write to Random Returns, 400 Bennett Cerf Rd., Westminster, MD 21157. On the good news front, Teller has directed the video for "Donna Everywhere" by Too Much Joy. Too cool.