Sometimes I wonder if I could write one of these columns without ever mentioning music. Like my idol, Robert Steinback of the Miami Herald, just ideas, thoughts, mammals replacing insects, insects replacing thoughts back to ideas. Am I starting to read like my other idol, Tom Austin?
Big Love takes a break from recording to play a pair of live shows, Friday evening at UM's Rat and Saturday night at Society Hill.
Wiley is a club cat. How's that for sentence construction, y'all? Wiley -- not named after Doc, as you know -- is the only male feline in my house. He stays out all night, comes home in the morning, spits out a few hairballs, munches, sleeps all day. Great gig if you can get it.
Velvet and Nails take over Tuesdays at Tropics and Fridays and Saturdays at Amnesia.
The Groove Thangs -- who broke up nine months ago -- reunite for a show at Abaco's in Lantana on Saturday.
Then there's Kinabaker, named partly after me, as you know. She's the pup recently adopted by the Ana troika. Among Kinabaker's recent adventures: eating a box of condoms. As Ana points out: "At least now she's lubricated." Kinabaker will soon take over writing this column. She's thinking of changing it from "Program Notes" to "A Dog's Life."
Tomorrow (Thursday) the Button South will be filled with the sounds of Kill Me Special, Radiobaghdad, The Way, No One's Son, Sinful Lust, Shyanne, and Velvet Revolution.
On Friday Washington Square will be filled with the sounds of dimestore genies, Tattooed Love Boys, the Bonejackers, Foreign Affairs, and Mr. Tasty & the Bread Heelers.
This Saturday Churchill's Hideaway will be filled with the sounds of Human Oddities, Demonomacy, and Lyme.
Kinabaker showed up to watch the New Times b-ball team win its fourth game in a row in the Y league. My boys set me up for an open three-pointer from the corner to start the game, then fed me a couple of easy inside bank shots. Kirk took it to the hoop hard a few times, Rich got me an assist by bagging a long J, Sloppy Joe nothing-but-netted a shot from the pro three-point line. And I'm not even going to mention our three best players. So who out there wants to challenge us to an exhibition? Luke Records A step to us. Power 96 A your rep precedes you. How about all you hotshot lawyers at D.A.C.? I've seen your jumper, Danny Gelber. Bring it on.
Raped Ape plays on Monday at the Square in an all-ages show also featuring Pro-Pain and Anger Inc.
Kilmo and the Killers jam at Musicians Exchange this Friday and Saturday.
At first this thing seemed like a high-seas whorehouse, and I don't ever want to be accused of pandering. But organizers insist it's a totally legit party/opportunity. It's a cruise on the Westward to Key West and a private island made special by the fact that "several VIPs will be onboard." There will be a talent competition and a, um, a Hot Bods Contest. (It's for both females and males of the human species.) A great way to break into the entertainment and modeling fields, organizers say. The ship sails on September 17, the prices begin at $229, and the phone is 800-940-8801. It's sponsored by WSHE-FM (a radio station where you can hear two, count 'em, two, Uriah Heep songs within a four-hour span ["Easy Living" and "Stealin'" between 7:00 and 11:00 p.m. the other day] but you can't hear Natural Causes or Forget the Name or Broken Spectacles or Rooster Head or the Goods) and morning maniac Paul Castronovo will serve as pimp. Um, I mean, host.
I recently implied that Drive Choir is breaking up. Not at all. They are, however, looking for a new drummer: call 888-4675.
The Niki Taylors (I think that's what they're called) play at Squeeze tonight (Wednesday).
Black Janet plays Friday at Squeeze.
Veteran rocker Peter Patrick is back with a solo-acoustic show (featuring new songs) every Friday at 5:30 p.m. at the Carolina Cafe in downtown Miami. Tonight (Wednesday) a special reception with art show -- "The Flamin' Maybes," all lesser-known artists -- takes place at Carolina at 7:00. The address is 201 NW First Ave.
The Neil Young reference in the Chant's "Perfect World" was "Like a Hurricane." The first to report this didn't want his name used. (It's Eric.) You people are no fun at all.
The Arthur Barron JazzFunk Experience (with vocals by Michou) hits Club Cabana this Friday and Saturday.
This Saturday you can catch Tattooed Love Boys, Nil Lara and Fro Sosa, and Forget the Name at Stephen Talkhouse.
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Day by the River plays Friday at Blackjack's and next Tuesday at Stephen Talkhouse.
Derek Trucks stops in at Cheers this Friday and Saturday, along with the Jeff Prine Group.
Gotta love the title of the new Didjits LP: Que Sirhan Sirhan.
Butthorn of the week: Guts-n-gore author Edna Buchanan for her yellow hyperbole on a network newsmagazine show. She drove the show's correspondent around town pointing out sites of macabre events, describing them with gape-jaw, rubberneck sensationalism. Yes, this is a brutal and horrible city. But you don't have to act like a butthorn about it. If you can't stand the heat, get outta town.
The media circus: I don't really care about your beliefs regarding animals and their rights or, for that matter, homos and their rights. If you want to tell me, I'll listen, even consider your opinions. But for now I'll strongly encourage you to pick up a copy of the September issue of Out magazine and read Sue Carswell's profile of PETA's Dan Mathews. So he's one of those animal-rights jerks. So he's a fag. Just read.