I am a whore. And I'm not so idiotic as to try to convince myself or anyone else otherwise. I turn word tricks for money. I was talking to someone whose opinion I respect, and this person asked why I'm so "reckless," intentionally making enemies of people who could help me become rich and famous, or at least better sourced. Well, I said, I'm an idiot, like most people, and it's all a trick. But instead of giving head on Biscayne, I write stuff down, sharing the same hopes as my employers -- that people will pick up the paper, read it, look at the ads, and go buy things. Certainly reality gets distorted along the way. Distortion is reality, reality is distorted -- it must be to exist, because it must be perceived and all perception is banana pudding.
There are good whores and bad whores, whores with hearts of gold, whores who have the same first name as a former Miami mayor and write books about being a whore, crossing from a world I don't know into one I pretend to. What is this column about? I hate the way Peter Jennings says about "aboat." As in, "Aboat 400 refugees were rescued..." I imagine this as "a boat, 400 refugees, and...." as if he were saying, "A boat, 400 refugees, and a baby."
Once again a local band has stepped up, Muse this time, playing a true concert tonight (Thursday) at the Cameo. If you're not a buzzhound, be informed that Muse is an amazing band that is perfectly suited to full-concert performance. Also on the bill are Sixo, Orgasmic Bliss, and Diane Ward. Like to see Cellar Door or Fantasma top that. (Sorry, that's a reckless thing to say.) Enhancing the Muse et cetera experience will be the ghost dancers of the Cameo A this is the place I saw the best shows by such bands as Dead Kennedys, Ramones, Alpha Blondy, the Replacements.
Nil Lara and Loray Mistique share this Saturday night at Stephen Talkhouse.
A page torn from the American Heritage Dictionary arrived from Rick S., who clearly gets it. "Did you know that 'gore' (as in Tipper) means dung? 'Dear Mrs. Shit...'" Rick, I did not know that. But there it is, under the third definition: "Gore: n. Blood, esp. dried blood from a wound. [Middle English, from Old English gor, dung, dirt.]"
Normally when we mention a club here, it's a plug or an obit. This is a celebration: Churchill's Hideaway marks its fifteenth anniversary this weekend. Tomorrow (Friday), in what Dave Daniels calls the night of the young new groups, I Don't Know, Milk Can, and Sixo play live. Saturday, Dave's salute to the past includes Charlie Pickett, Myrin and the 2 Wotz, Pork and Beans, and Whig Party. Sunday, which Dave isn't sure what to call, it's Kreamy 'Lectric Santa, Harry Pussy, the Canadians, Stun Guns, Cavity, and the Ghost of Trash Monkeys. Monday, which Dave calls Labor Day, it's Milk Can again. The Church now has A-DAT recording capabilities, which means another live CD should be in the works and that you bands should be hanging out there.
Tonight (Thursday) at the Cellblock, Third Wish, the Baboons, and Dr. Shrinkfish do what they do so well.
This Sunday's Wide Open Mike at Squeeze is the Greatest Hits event, a biggie, with all your favorite stars: Zac and the Screaming Cat Daddies of Badness, I Don't Know, Basketcase, Bobby Johnston, Kathy Fleischmann, Diane Ward, Phil T. Rich.... The following Sunday Diane Ward will be featured.
I don't know who's programming Rose's these days, but check out this lineup: tonight (Thursday) is Rail; tomorrow (Friday) Stevo and the Strength of Unity groove; Saturday Raw B Jae and the Liquid Funk bust it; Sunday get a jump on Hush Brother Hush; and Monday the pro jazzers jam with BeBob Grabowski.
Purple Mustard does it right at Reunion Room tonight (Thursday).
As the water engulfed our humble home the TV broadcast drowned out damage. Hey, there's no boldface in this item.
This Sunday at Stephen Talkhouse, Bad Karma Records will throw a party. Along with prerelease listens to new CDs by Milk Can and Sixo, those two bands will perform, as will Cell 63 and Karen Friedman.
Up at the Zipperhead tomorrow (Friday) it's Itanna live.
The next Sunday you find yourself moseying around South Beach, head over to the block between Tenth and Eleventh, site of Oceanside Promenade. There you'll find Gary King and Dream jamming on the sidewalk under a tree from 5:30 p.m. to 12:30 a.m.
Jack Platt and the Gene Krupa Big Band play at 2:00 p.m. Saturday at Celebrate Plantation. Call 978-8620.
Tomorrow (Friday) the Summer Love Concert features all kinds of romantic touches to complement Black Janet's show, which is especially notable in that the Janet has a new guitarist, Rose Guilot, who some of you will remember as the guitarist for the mighty Vesper Sparrow, one of my all-time-favorite bands.
This week's SLAM (on Saturday at 1663 Lenox, just off Lincoln Road) brings to town Tampa's supercool duo Pee Shy, breaking words like sad bottles at 9:00 p.m.
Tonight (Thursday) up at Cricket's, Excessive is joined live by Alien and No Cow Chips. Call 749-4343.
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Another fine acoustic underground session when Jabberwocky plays on Saturday at the Miami Institute of Expanding Light. Call 382-1282.
Speed freaks'll want to be in the Wesley Center Coffeehouse on the campus of the University of Miami at 9:00 tonight (Thursday) for September30, whose Kevin McPeak hates September. A confusing time for his band. The admission to this show (he thinks it's like two or three bucks) also entitles you to all the coffee you can drink or shoot up.
Butthorn of the week: Not to pick on my Cuban friends, but the more there are here the more butthorns will be among them. Here's one now, a woman interviewed on the teevy news after Clinton announced the interdiction stratagem. The woman, identified as Cuban by birth, supported the ship-'em-back plan: "We can't take any more. There are already too many here." What's this we, lady? If "we" took you, we'll take anybody.
Then there was the mob reported about in Joan Fleischman's Herald column (called "Program Notes") this past Friday. Glenna Milberg, a very nice Channel 7 correspondent who interviewed me recently and is extremely pregnant, was in Little Havana covering a rally when, to everyone's surprise, Fidel Castro appeared on teevy live. Milberg quickly set about gathering reaction to the speech, but some of the people at the rally became so upset at the very sight of Fidel they went berserk, attacking the monitor. Two quick points, my friends: Teevy is not real. And, in this country we have a little thing called free speech. We let our enemies say whatever they want, knowing that their evil will be exposed in the process. For example, that's why we let the KKK march -- four fools in sheets is so hysterical that the bigots' power is reduced in the mind continuum aboat reality.