Phantom Pisser Terrorizes University of Florida Students
What ever happened to those decals of Calvin pissing on things? Back in the 90s, if your F-150 wasn't emblazoned with cartoon character mischievously urinating on [another truck company's name/a pictorial version of an abstract concept/your least-favorite sports team's logo] you didn't believe in anything. You weren't in the driver's seat of your own life. Those bootleg stickers made for the most populist form of social commentary ever, and they seems to have disappeared into the cultural vortex with other relics of the era, like "the Super 'S'" and Lisa Frank.
Fret not. One Florida man has decided to bring back the pre-Internet meme, and to do it IRL. Gainesville Police Department says that a man has been going around and peeing on University Florida students. Three incident reports have been filed thus far by Gator fans who allege they fell victim to a phantom pisser.
As if a 4-8 season last year wasn't enough.
The peeings-on took place on February 22nd, after 3.a.m; February 26th, around noon; and March 2nd, at about 3:30 a.m. Apparently the suspect's favorite places to hang out are near the apartment complexes across from the university's Library West (interesting choice) and the Checker's/Taco Bell parking expanse on University Avenue (makes perfect sense.)
Police are looking for a black male between 25 and 30 who is about 6 feet tall and has a medium build. The cops haven't said if the suspect also possesses a disdain for a) the SEC b) the Florida Gators specifically c) whiskey, guns and barbecue or d) America.
If you find yourself up in North Florida, have your back turned to a man fitting this description and notice that he begins peeing on you, notify the Gainesville Police Department.
h/t Gainesville Sun
Send your story tips to the author, Allie Conti.
Follow Allie Conti on Twitter: @allie_conti
Get the Weekly Newsletter
Our weekly feature stories, movie reviews, calendar picks and more - minus the newsprint and sent directly to your inbox.