Uncle Luke, the man whose booty-shaking madness once made the U.S. Supreme Court stand up for free speech, gets as nasty as he wants to be for Miami New Times. This week, Luke addresses the NFL's crackdown on helmet-to-helmet hits.
The No Fun League needs to stop fining defensive players for helmet-to-helmet hits. It just isn't right to make the Atlanta Falcons' Dunta Robinson pay $50,000. And Pittsburgh Steelers linebacker James Harrison shouldn't have to fork out $75,000. They are just playing football the way they have since Pop Warner.
If NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell really wants to make an impact, he should tell all the owners with domed stadiums to do something about the turf. It's carpet rolled over concrete. Many concussions happen when players are slammed to the ground.
So when Miami Dolphins linebacker Channing Crowder recently told the Palm Beach Post's Hal Habib that the league is "making us go more and more like a feminine sport, we're going to wear pink every game," he's telling the truth. You can't stop a grown man who's been trained as a guided missile to suddenly apply the brakes.
Former Tampa Bay All-Pro defensive tackle Warren Sapp told me that he believes guys will start aiming their helmets at opponents' chests. So expect to see players with crushed sternums.
Of course, the league's policy is so one-sided that offensive linemen and running backs are never fined for leading with their helmets. A basic rule of offense is that the fullback uses his helmet to clear a path for the running back. And linemen are taught to lead with the helmet when they block a defensive player. It's called a butt and lock.
The NFL has allowed helmet-to-helmet hits for 75 years. Why are they a problem now? The teams might as well just play flag football on Sundays. Australia, Europe, Canada, and South America are laughing at us. If football gets any softer, the sport will go down like boxing.
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Goodell should acknowledge that every athlete is cut out to put on the pads and get licked coming across the middle to catch a pass. It's as if you're constantly running yellow lights. Eventually, you will run the red and get tattooed. That's what football is all about. Even the ladies in the Lingerie Football League knock the shit out of each other.
If the NFL commissioner won't budge, players should just sign with owners who are willing to pay the fines. It's as simple as that.
Follow Luke on Twitter: @unclelukereal1.