Every Friday, Riptide brings you the most eye-catching mugshots taken the previous week (or thereabouts) in Miami-Dade County. Yes, there is some mockery of bad neck tattoos, but also adulation directed at perps who just plain look more badass than we ever will. This is the italicized intro to that series. For mugshots from Broward and Palm Beach, check out The Pulp.
Charged with: Petit theft
I'm afraid he just blue himself.
Charged with: Entering park after hours, battery, resisting arrest
On the plus side for this guy, between his surprisingly happy expression and the fact that the sand all over his face kind of resembles glitter, he's definitely this week's most fabulous arrest.
Charged with: Disorderly intoxication, criminal mischief, burglary, assaulting a police officer, resisting arrest
Adorned with a hubcap she definitely stole off a tricked-out kids-sized Barbie Corvette, this woman would've been this week's most stylish entry instead of the Sandman. Then again, the remains of however many 40-ounce Ocean Drive margaritas she killed that are now encrusted on her face knock her down a few points.
Charged with: Assault, battery, child abuse
Try as he might, Avon Barksdale just couldn't stay clean. He came at the king, and he missed. But cheer up, Avon. Remember that you only do two days in jail: The day you go in, and the day you go out.
Charged with: Battery
Is this a mugshot or the world's single worst Match.com profile picture? "Turn-ons: Pistol-whipping people, a nice meal, not calling the cops. Turn-offs: Handcuffs, talking about politics."
Charged with: Grand theft auto
You know, just in case he forgets his own name and needs an easy way to find it.
Charged with: Cocaine possession
I'm not sure which I enjoy more: The idea that this dude's beard forks like that naturally, or the idea of him painstakingly crafting his beard to get the split snake-head look just right.
Charged with: Burglary, battery, domestic violence
Man, the 1964 version of Rick Ross lost a lot of weight.
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Charged with: Battery
Some of you may think this is a poorly executed rose tattoo that looks giggle-inducingly close to a vagina. Well, you're wrong. This woman's actually a huge Georgia O'Keefe fan, and this is her solemn tribute.