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Mugshots Friday: The Lost Romney Son and Jesus Condom

Every Friday, Riptide brings you the most eye-catching mugshots taken the previous week (or thereabouts) in Miami-Dade County. Yes, there is some mockery of bad neck tattoos, but also adulation directed at perps who just plain look more badass than we ever will. This is the italicized intro to that series. For mugshots from Broward and Palm Beach, check out The Pulp.

Mugshots Friday: The Lost Romney Son and Jesus Condom

Arrested: 10/31
Charged with: Robbery, battery
Here at Mugshots Friday, we have a regular policy of not naming the folks we feature in this sad compendium of bad decisions. That rule can be broken, however, if the name in question is either funny or ludicrous enough. I think you would all agree that a fellow whose name is "Jesus Condom" meets those criteria handily. At least the guy's taking it in stride.

Mugshots Friday: The Lost Romney Son and Jesus Condom

Arrested: 10/30
Charged with: Battery, kidnapping, grand theft auto
I bet this is one of Mitt Romney's sons that he never talks about. Brak or Carp or Rudd or Fart or something.

Mugshots Friday: The Lost Romney Son and Jesus Condom

Arrested: 10/30
Charged with: Battery, disorderly conduct
Irony of man wearing peace sign necklace being arrested for battery, then being injured by said necklace: HIGH.

 

Mugshots Friday: The Lost Romney Son and Jesus Condom

Arrested: 10/30
Charged with: Fugitive warrant
The NBA season is upon us, and as a Celtics fan, that means I'm now in year three of rooting for all of the Miami Heat to be viciously injured or at least arrested for something horribly embarrassing, knowing full well I'm going to have to settle for someone like Dexter Pittman getting busted for trying to fondle a hooker.

Mugshots Friday: The Lost Romney Son and Jesus Condom

Arrested: 10/29
Charged with: Disorderly conduct, resisting arrest
Seriously, Miami: It's November, and it's still 80-plus degrees outside. Haven't you ever heard of fall? Don't you all yearn for a slight, crisp bite of cold in the air, or being able to be outside for more than five minutes without sweating? Some people look at this guy with his multiple jackets and scarf and see a loon. I see a man aching for a change in the seasons.

 

Mugshots Friday: The Lost Romney Son and Jesus Condom

Arrested: 10/27
Charged with: Disorderly conduct, resisting arrest
This is the look you shoot a math teacher when they tell you that yes, Mr. Wisenheimer, algebra is something you'll need to use one day. Then you mutter an expletive under your breath as you go back to playing Drug Wars on your TI-83 calculator. "That's what's up on the streets," you think to yourself as the teacher drones on about the quadratic equation.

Mugshots Friday: The Lost Romney Son and Jesus Condom

Arrested: 10/29
Charged with: Retail theft, petit theft
The attempted look was "Vogue Italia model with this fall's sexiest outfit." The result ... not so much.

Mugshots Friday: The Lost Romney Son and Jesus Condom

Arrested: 10/27
Charged with: Trespassing
Those allergies can be a killer, man. Take it from a guy running low on Zyrtec.

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