Mugshots Friday: The Great "F*** You" Neck Tattoo
Every Friday, Riptide brings you the most eye-catching mugshots taken the previous week (or thereabouts) in Miami-Dade County. Yes, there is some mockery of bad neck tattoos, but also adulation directed at perps who just plain look more badass than we ever will. This is the italicized intro to that series.
Charges: Drinking in Public and Disorderly Intoxication
This is a real shame. I mean, you've got the classic "Fuck You" tattoo on the knock, and the "Indian" right on the chin, but what does it say on his forehead? What does it say? This is like a classic novel, and just when you're about to finish it, you've noticed that someone has come along and ripped out the final chapter.
And then sometimes even when you can read the whole story, it's not quite as satisfying. Step up your crazy above-the-shoulders tattoo game, son. You're competing with "Fuck You" neck guy up there. Damn. Though, we do appreciate the subtle literary irony of having "Wisdom" tattooed on your neck.
Charges: Drinking in Public, Cannabis Possession, and Trespassing
Whenever The Onion has a "Diamond" Joe Biden story and they mention one of his friends, just imagine this guy. This is pretty much how we imagined Blaze from this story.
Charges: Sell, Consume or Possess Alcohol in Public
This is a real champ move. How is your mom even going to be mad at your for a silly lil' charge like drinking in public when your mugshot looks exactly like that picture she has framed on her desk of that time when you were four and discovered what happened when you put the hose in the garden and rolled around in mud? Kids... you can try your best, and they're still gonna get in trouble, amirite fellow parents?
Sadly, no charges were pressed against the pink highlighter that got in a drunken fight with his hair.
Charges: Armed Robbery
Who ever thought we'd see the day where there was no difference between armed robbery suspect hair and Pippy Longstocking hair?
This mugshot is just more fun to look at while listening to this song.
Charges: Armed Robbery
So many things change in this crazy world of ours, but chonga eyebrows always stay the same.
Get the This Week's Top Stories Newsletter
Every week we collect the latest news, music and arts stories — along with film and food reviews and the best things to do this week — so that you'll never miss Miami New Times' biggest stories.