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Mugshots Friday: The 305 Is Stuck On Band-Aids

Every Friday, Riptide brings you the most eye-catching mugshots taken the previous week (or thereabouts) in Miami-Dade County. Yes, there is some mockery of bad neck tattoos, but also adulation directed at perps who just plain look more badass than we ever will. This is the italicized intro to that series. For mugshots from Broward and Palm Beach, check out The Pulp.

Mugshots Friday: The 305 Is Stuck On Band-Aids

Arrested: 9/11
Charged with: Aggravated assault, resisting arrest, disorderly conduct
We get a lot of bandaged folks here on Mugshots Friday. Sometimes I wonder if Miami-Dade police use the band-aids to make a humiliating photo that much more embarrassing.

Mugshots Friday: The 305 Is Stuck On Band-Aids

Arrested: 9/11
Charged with: Petit theft
Sometimes I wonder if the cops put the band-aids on mockingly, maybe while saying in a baby-talk voice, "Aw, there you go, big boy, now your boo-boo is all better!"

Mugshots Friday: The 305 Is Stuck On Band-Aids

Arrested: 9/12
Charged with: Grand theft auto, resisting arrest
And then I realize that, most likely, the cops are just slapping whatever they can find on these dudes, even if it is tape and some cotton. But it doesn't hurt if it makes them look stupid.

 

Mugshots Friday: The 305 Is Stuck On Band-Aids

Arrested: 9/11
Charged with: Bench warrant
A tattoo that's equal parts fierce, bombastic, looks awful and, since she's now in jail, wonderfully ironic. That's a winning combo here at Mugshots Friday.

Mugshots Friday: The 305 Is Stuck On Band-Aids

Arrested: 9/10
Charged with: Possession of a controlled substance
Some people really do make it easier for the cops to profile them. I mean, the guy who looks like he cuts his own hair with his non-dominant hand and his eyes closed while driving ... that's an easy, "He's probably on drugs" guess, right?

Mugshots Friday: The 305 Is Stuck On Band-Aids

Arrested: 9/10
Charged with: Attempting to elude police in a high-speed chase
TOGA! TOGA! TOGA!

 

Mugshots Friday: The 305 Is Stuck On Band-Aids

Arrested: 9/10
Charged with: Sexual battery, kidnapping
I bet this guy says, "It's Britney, bitch!" to himself all the time.

Mugshots Friday: The 305 Is Stuck On Band-Aids

Arrested: 9/10
Charged with: Aggravated assault with a deadly weapon
This was either a much bigger project in which this dude was going to tattoo fangs all over his face, or an exceedingly lazy attempt at giving himself Gene Simmons' makeup job. Either way: Bad job, bad effort.

Mugshots Friday: The 305 Is Stuck On Band-Aids

Arrested: 9/12
Charged with: Obstruction
"Tattoos of the 305" will definitely be the title of the upcoming Mugshots Friday coffee table book. I have to imagine Urban Outfitters would be all over that. Give me a call, guys!

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