Every Friday, Riptide brings you the most eye-catching mugshots taken the previous week (or thereabouts) in Miami-Dade County. Yes, there is some mockery of bad neck tattoos, but also adulation directed at perps who just plain look more badass than we ever will. This is the italicized intro to that series.
Charges: Loitering and Prowling
Yes, we're the assholes who have caught a few episodes of RuPaul's Drag Race and now think we're experts in drag, but listen, your contouring and blending are just all off. Now sashay away.
Charges: None found
See, this is really great use of glittery eyeshadow. Shanté, you stay!
Charges: Carjacking and Cocaine Possession
Most neck tattoos we see around here are nothing much more than macho nonsense, but this is the neck tattoo of a truly sophisticated man. Notice the classical neo-romantic influences displayed elegantly about his neck. Notice the sophisticated representation of the Madonna/whore complex. Truly enlightened stuff.
Charges: Burglary, Battery, and Resisting and Officer
We didn't know it was possible for your chin to get in a fight with your eyebrows, but from the looks of it, neither won.
Charges: Providing a False Name or ID After Arrest
This lady looks happier in her mugshot than most Miamians look in their regular lives.
Charges: Aggressive Panhandling
Is it possible that police just assumed this guy was a bum and charged him with standard bum charges? Because there's a 50 percent chance this guy is actually the bassist in a Brooklyn freak-folk band.
Charges: Trespassing and Revisiting Arrest without Violence
Though stealing body-mod trends from early-2000s suburban high school kids whose parents didn't love them enough isn't an actual crime, we should discourage it just as much as we do trespassing.
Charges: Grand Theft Auto
Seriously, scene kids are over. What were you trying to do? Steal a car to get to Warped Tour?
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Charges: Possession of Cocaine and Cannabis with Intent to Sell
You might laugh at his hairstyle, but you won't be chuckling anymore when he fires that do up like a helicopter and soars to freedom.