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Mugshots Friday: Rodent Man, Beard Innovation, and the Hipster Pulverizer

Every Friday, Riptide brings you the most eye-catching mugshots taken in Miami-Dade County in the week previous. Yes, there is some mockery of bad neck tattoos, but also adulation directed at perps who just plain-out look more badass than we ever will . This is the italicized intro to that series.

Mugshots Friday: Rodent Man, Beard Innovation, and the Hipster Pulverizer

Arrested: 1/20
Charged with: Lewd and lascivious exhibition on a child
Not for nothing Craig, but if you already have borderline rodent teeth why, oh why, would you accentuate them with that weird little moustache?

Mugshots Friday: Rodent Man, Beard Innovation, and the Hipster Pulverizer

Arrested: 1/27
Charged with: Resisting an officer without violence
Every week we think that there can no more new types of weird beards. And every week we are proven wrong. What would you call this? The Pippi Longstocking Triple Salchow?

Mugshots Friday: Rodent Man, Beard Innovation, and the Hipster Pulverizer

Arrested: 1/25
Charged with: Sexual battery on a child
Hollywood casting directors should really hang out outside booking centers. This guy has "Henchman #3" written all over him. His line of dialogue could be: "Motherfu-- unnnhh!" [dies]

Mugshots Friday: Rodent Man, Beard Innovation, and the Hipster Pulverizer

Arrested: 1/23
Charged with: Trespassing
Yes! Don't ever let 'em break you, mama!

Mugshots Friday: Rodent Man, Beard Innovation, and the Hipster Pulverizer

Arrested: 1/12
Charged with: Grand theft
This dude keeps Williamsburg hipsters in a walk-in freezer and every morning he thaws one out and purees it into a power shake, which he chugs. He's so authentically detached from mainstream pop culture that if you told him he looks kinda like Mark Wahlberg, he'd say "Who?" He's probably wearing clogs.

Mugshots Friday: Rodent Man, Beard Innovation, and the Hipster Pulverizer

Arrested: 1/25
Charged with: Burglary
And this guy's just Don Cheadle gone bad.

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