Every Friday, Riptide brings you the most eye-catching mugshots taken in Miami-Dade County in the week previous. Yes, there is some mockery of bad neck tattoos, but also adulation directed at perps who just plain-out look more badass than we ever will . This is the italicized intro to that series.
Charged with: Lewd and lascivious exhibition on a child
Not for nothing Craig, but if you already have borderline rodent teeth why, oh why, would you accentuate them with that weird little moustache?
Charged with: Resisting an officer without violence
Every week we think that there can no more new types of weird beards. And every week we are proven wrong. What would you call this? The Pippi Longstocking Triple Salchow?
Charged with: Sexual battery on a child
Hollywood casting directors should really hang out outside booking centers. This guy has "Henchman #3" written all over him. His line of dialogue could be: "Motherfu-- unnnhh!" [dies]
Charged with: Trespassing
Yes! Don't ever let 'em break you, mama!
Charged with: Grand theft
This dude keeps Williamsburg hipsters in a walk-in freezer and every morning he thaws one out and purees it into a power shake, which he chugs. He's so authentically detached from mainstream pop culture that if you told him he looks kinda like Mark Wahlberg, he'd say "Who?" He's probably wearing clogs.
If you like this story, consider signing up for our email newsletters.
SHOW ME HOW
You have successfully signed up for your selected newsletter(s) - please keep an eye on your mailbox, we're movin' in!
Charged with: Burglary
And this guy's just Don Cheadle gone bad.