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Mugshots Friday: Respect Mom, Volcano-Head, and a Middle-Aged Guy Wearing a Girl's Bathing Suit

Every Friday, Riptide brings you the most eye-catching mugshots taken the previous week in Miami-Dade County. Yes, there is some mockery of bad neck tattoos, but also adulation directed at perps who just plain look more badass than we ever will. This is the italicized intro to that series.

Mugshots Friday: Respect Mom, Volcano-Head, and a Middle-Aged Guy Wearing a Girl's Bathing Suit

Arrested: 3/24

Charged with: Criminal mischief

The man loves his mother.

Mugshots Friday: Respect Mom, Volcano-Head, and a Middle-Aged Guy Wearing a Girl's Bathing Suit

Arrested:3/24

Charged with:Lewd and laviscious conduct on a child, aggravated stalking of a minor

What is it, Inscrutable Neck Tattoo Week?

Mugshots Friday: Respect Mom, Volcano-Head, and a Middle-Aged Guy Wearing a Girl's Bathing Suit

Arrested: 3/23

Charged with: Cocaine possession, cannabis possession

Nothing more satisfying that a big ol' gap in your teeth. You can compulsively dart the tip of your tongue through it, and even spray Mountain Dew through it. Plus, it makes for a great mugshot.

Mugshots Friday: Respect Mom, Volcano-Head, and a Middle-Aged Guy Wearing a Girl's Bathing Suit

Arrested: 3/23

Charged with: Aggravated stalking, aggravated battery with great bodily harm

Can you imagine being stalked by this Mushroom-from-Mario-Land lady? Every time you felt eyes on you and turned around, all you'd see was a blonde volcano on the horizon.

Mugshots Friday: Respect Mom, Volcano-Head, and a Middle-Aged Guy Wearing a Girl's Bathing Suit

Arrested: 3/21

Charged with: Strongarmed robbery

This looks like the guy who makes his entrances in pornos with some line like: "Is this where the job interview is?" (He's wearing some ill-fitting suit and holding a briefcase.) We're so tired of seeing close-ups of this guy's balls.

Mugshots Friday: Respect Mom, Volcano-Head, and a Middle-Aged Guy Wearing a Girl's Bathing Suit

Arrested: 3/21

Charged with: Criminal mischief

Well aren't you a South Beach wood nymph version of a British barrister.

Mugshots Friday: Respect Mom, Volcano-Head, and a Middle-Aged Guy Wearing a Girl's Bathing Suit

Arrested: 3/23

Charged with: Disorderly conduct, trespassing

We try not to feature too many mugshots of men in womens' clothing because, you know, talk about shooting fish in a barrel. But when you look like a mirthful Nathan Lane and you're wearing our little sister's bathing suit, we'll find room for you.

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