Every Friday, Riptide brings you the most eye-catching mugshots taken the previous week in Miami-Dade County. Yes, there is some mockery of bad neck tattoos, but also adulation directed at perps who just plain look more badass than we ever will. This is the italicized intro to that series.
Charged with: Petty theft
83 percent chance that at some point in this guy's life, he had the nickname Iceberg.
Charged with: Aggravated assault with a firearm
When you feel like you have a look that's working magic for you, what do you care what some blogger who looks like a young Tom Arnold thinks?
Charged with: Battery, criminal mischief
You can either look all glum when the cops take your mugshot, or you can use the opportunity to get a free headshot to advance your career as this generation's Fairuza Balk.
Charged with: Drinking in public
For the love of Christ, get off his lawn before he uses those glasses to load BBs into his shotgun.
Charged with: Aggravated assault with a deadly weapon, possession of marijuana and Xanax
What would you call that beard? The Upside Down Oompa Loompa?
Charged with: Concealed firearm by violent career criminal, possession of counterfeit notes, possession of cocaine and marijuana, grand theft in the third degree
Judging from all that shit he's charged with, this guy is authentically what's known as "gangsta". But he still looks like our frat boy cousin putting tin foil on his teeth because he thinks it's funny. Why do some gangstas look like wankstas? Has 50 Cent ever addressed this?
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Charged with: Battery
"God is awesome." This is everybody's high school gym teacher.