Mugshots Friday: Human Trapper Keeper
Every Friday, Riptide brings you the most eye-catching mugshots taken the previous week (or thereabouts) in Miami-Dade County. Yes, there is some mockery of bad neck tattoos, but also adulation directed at perps who just plain look more badass than we ever will. This is the italicized intro to that series.
Charges: Resisting an Officer without Violence
This guy has a Nike logo tattoo on one cheek and a Yankees logo tattoo on the other? He's basically the human equivalent of a middle school boy's trapper keeper.
Charges: Operating a Business without a License
Apparently this guy took the "Well if I can't grow hair on the top of my head I'll grow hair everywhere else on my face" approach to balding.
Charges: Grand Theft and Petit Theft
Are there really this many horrible eyebrows out there in Miami-Dade, or is it just that people who don't ever care about their own damn eyebrows don't care to obey the law? Come on people!
Charges: Burglary and Battery
Gotta appreciate a man who still dresses up for his job. Even if that job is a burglar. Even if his idea of dressing up is a tuxedo t-shirt.
Charges: Grand Theft 3rd Degree
What a striking juxtaposition of grandmotherly fashion and hardened criminal facial expression.
Charges: Burglary, Armed Robbery, False Imprisonment and Grand Theft Auto
Yes, yes, go ahead and tattoo half your face up but make sure that goatee is all nice and orderly.
Charges: Strongarm Robbery, Petit Retail Theft
Some fabulous woman probably once said, "a woman can never have too many men or too much jewelry." Fair enough. But we do firmly believe a woman can have too much jewelry pierced into her face.
Charges: Petit Theft
No, seriously. Stop it with this.
Charges: Aggravated Assault with a Firearm and Cannabis Possession.
You ever look at a mugshot this week and have a hard time deciding "Ultra or not Ultra?" Oh, maybe that's just us.
Get the This Week's Top Stories Newsletter
Every week we collect the latest news, music and arts stories — along with film and food reviews and the best things to do this week — so that you'll never miss Miami New Times' biggest stories.