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Mugshots Friday: Hot Beefcake Edition

Every Friday, Riptide brings you the most eye-catching mugshots taken the previous week (or thereabouts) in Miami-Dade County. Yes, there is some mockery of bad neck tattoos, but also adulation directed at perps who just plain look more badass than we ever will. This is the italicized intro to that series.


Mugshots Friday is often accused of featuring plenty of hottttttt chicks (seven "T"s, industry standard) but not enough hottttttt dudes. It's your week, ladies. Straight men, you might as well click out of your browser right now. To qualify for this special Beefcake Edition MF, our steamy perps had to a) have Jesus hair b) be naked c) be looking especially GQ or d) just have that certain je ne sais quoi to make our readers throw their panties at the computer screen. Take it away studs!

Mugshots Friday: Hot Beefcake Edition

Arrested: 5/1

Charged with: Strongarm robbery, battery, liking to rescue animals too much

"I'm your starter beefcake. Let me set the music to 'sultry'. Anybody in the mood for some nag champa? I was just pouring myself a glass."

Mugshots Friday: Hot Beefcake Edition

Arrested: 5/1

Charged with: Inciting a riot (in your pants)

"I'm 99-percent certain that you're the one for me. Girl, I want to occupy you."

Mugshots Friday: Hot Beefcake Edition

Arrested: 4/28

Charged with: Disorderly conduct, breach of the peace, making a sinful asparagus souffle

"Hey, have you seen my shirt? It blew off with that strong gust. Why yes, I do practice 'muscle confusion' workouts, why do you ask?"

Mugshots Friday: Hot Beefcake Edition

Arrested: 4/29

Charged with: Possession of a firearm by a convicted felon, cocaine possession, possession of a controlled substance, trespassing, being all about the foreplay

"I'm just in town for one night only, then the tour goes on its Canadian leg. But at least we'll have that one night. Hey, I wrote you a song about your smile."

Mugshots Friday: Hot Beefcake Edition

Arrested: 4/27

Charged with: Burglary with assault, disorderly conduct, breach of the peace, excessive cute ukulele love song composing

"Come back behind the counter, girl, let me show you where we keep the warm baguettes. For a picnic. Really, I'm talking about bread."

Mugshots Friday: Hot Beefcake Edition

Arrested: 4/28

Charged with: Loitering, prowling, emulating Josh Hartnett

"Oh this? Just threw it together. Oscar de la Renta's my third cousin, so I have a closet full of this stuff."

Mugshots Friday: Hot Beefcake Edition

Arrested: 5/1

Charged with: Habitual driving while license is suspended, planning spur of the moment romantic trips to SoHo

"Hey, got any room for a low-rent Most Interesting Man in the World in this here line-up? No? Screw it, Deadliest Catch is on anyways."

Mugshots Friday: Hot Beefcake Edition

Arrested: 4/27

Charged with: Disorderly conduct, breach of the peace, wearing spandex shirts while playing soccer

"I believe you've been looking for me?" [Al Green starts playing, fireworks explode, pan out to reveal we're in Seattle.]



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