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Mugshots Friday: Dolphins Fans and Your Crying Aunt

Every Friday, Riptide brings you the most eye-catching mugshots taken the previous week (or thereabouts) in Miami-Dade County. Yes, there is some mockery of bad neck tattoos, but also adulation directed at perps who just plain look more badass than we ever will. This is the italicized intro to that series.

Mugshots Friday: Dolphins Fans and Your Crying Aunt

Arrested: 12/23
Charged With: Disorderly Conduct/Breach of the Peace
Somehow there's the perfect metaphor for the Dolphins season in this mugshot.

Mugshots Friday: Dolphins Fans and Your Crying Aunt

Arrested: 12/13
Charged With: multiple counts of burglary, grand theft, and resisting arrest.
So we guess this is what happens when you can't quite grow a full mustache but want to add some extra pizzazz to your face.

Mugshots Friday: Dolphins Fans and Your Crying Aunt

Arrested: 12/15
Charged With: criminal mischief and battery.
This looks like your standard hipster mug until you see it, clutch your neck, and wonder how exactly someone goes about piercing their trachea.

Mugshots Friday: Dolphins Fans and Your Crying Aunt

Arrested: 12/24
Charged With: battery
You never want to mess with a girl like this. Because if she doesn't care about her hair, she sure as hell doesn't care about the repercussions of beating your ass.

Mugshots Friday: Dolphins Fans and Your Crying Aunt

Arrested: 12/14
Chard With: Drinking in public
It's so sad when you see what could be such a glorious, epic mustache go without the proper care and grooming it so clearly deserves.

Mugshots Friday: Dolphins Fans and Your Crying Aunt

Arrested: 12/13
Charged With: Robbery, Carrying a Concealed Weapon, Battery on a police officer and trespassing.
This is the haircut of the lead singer of a '90s house revival electro band. This is the haircut of Rihanna's makeup artist. This is the hair of a Project Runway contestant who gets kicked off in the second episode. This is not the haircut one typically expects of an armed robber, and yet...

Mugshots Friday: Dolphins Fans and Your Crying Aunt

Arrested: 12/16
Charged With: Disorderly Conduct and Resisting Arrest
You know this lady is totally pissed because this arrest will probably get her fired as the spokesmodel for Kool Aid's new line of hair dye. Oh ...noooooooo!

Mugshots Friday: Dolphins Fans and Your Crying Aunt

Arrested: 12/18
Charged With: battery
This looks like a crying aunt. This is what your aunt looks likes crying. Everyone has an aunt who cries and looks like this.

Mugshots Friday: Dolphins Fans and Your Crying Aunt

Arrested: 12/17
Charged With: burglary, battery on the elderly, petit theft and criminal mischief.
I believe this expression can be legally submitted to a court of law as a guilty plea. There's no way this face expresses anything other than "Well, I screwed up and you got me."

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