Every Friday, Riptide brings you the most eye-catching mugshots taken in Miami-Dade County in the week previous. We then comment on bizarre sartorial choices and weird neck tattoos from the cloistered safety of our home office. This is the italicized intro to that series.
Charged with: Grand theft
Is that called a doily shirt?
Charged with: Battery, disorderly intoxication
Quick, somebody stuff some mashed bananas in his mouth. He must have done a dookie.
Charged with: Drug trafficking
Who do you blame? This lady? The tattoo artist? Or the Miami-Dade Public School system?
Charged with: Forgery
With her face tattoo and her Billy Idol haircut, it's like she refuses to be seen as a nice old lady. Then why do we have the urge to give her a Hallmark card, talk loudly around her, and take her to a Saturday matinee?
Charged with: Making a threat against a public servant, resisting an officer
What's a nice girl like you doing in a place like this?
Charged with: Disorderly conduct
God, being a teenager sucked.
Charged with: Petty theft
We only included this mugshot so that we could write the words "Steven Tyler" and score untold American Idol Googlers.
Charged with: Grand theft auto
Being a tattooed accused criminal is like an arms race. You can either become a generic video game character like this guy...
Charged with: Burglary
Or you can get all nonsensical with randomly placed four leaf clovers and Asian characters like this dude...
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Charged with: Marijuana possession
Or you can do as Our Hero did and just say: Fuck it, I'm going to get the worst neck-job ever shown on Mugshots Friday. To save you some squinting, the tattoo on our left says "Blood Money". The other thing says "Killafornia".