Every Friday, Riptide brings you the most eye-catching mugshots taken the previous week (or thereabouts) in Miami-Dade County. Yes, there is some mockery of bad neck tattoos, but also adulation directed at perps who just plain look more badass than we ever will. This is the italicized intro to that series. For mugshots from Broward and Palm Beach, check out The Pulp.
Charged with: Marijuana possession
Consider Texas messed with.
Charged with: Disorderly intoxication
What are the odds that this guy spent the entire ride back to the precinct in the back of the squad car screaming the lyrics to "Cum On Feel The Noize" and head banging? I'd say extremely high.
Charged with: Attempted murder of a police officer
Finally, proof positive that getting a tattoo of chains and/or bricks on your body will not protect you from bodily harm, no matter how many of those suckers you get. That tattoo will, however, make it look like you're wearing the world's tightest mesh tank top.
Charged with: Cocaine possession
I won't lie: Choosing, cropping and resizing this photo was probably the most terrifying moment of my entire life. This guy's stare could dissolve a steel door. I'm going to book a doctor's appointment after I finish writing this blurb just to make sure that protracted exposure to this photo hasn't left me sterile or unable to get an erection.
Charged with: Battery
The battery arrest may be upsetting enough, but this dude will be even angrier to learn that his run in with the law cost him a walk-on role as a warrior dwarf extra in the upcoming film adaptation of The Hobbit.
Charged with: Battery
Shockingly, it doesn't seem like the urban camouflage look helped this guy avoid arrest.
Charged with: Petit theft
How do you know that burglary is a lost art form? When you see guys who attempt to do it wearing a bright teal NBA jersey with huge diamond earrings and multicolored beads clacking about in their hair.
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Charged with: Disorderly conduct
This man's mugshot serves as a fine reminder for all our showcase winners of what happens when you act a fool in this fair city: You mess with the bull, you're likely to get the horns.