MORE

Mugshots Friday: Burglar Jesus and Coked Out Santa, Now In 3-D!

Every Friday, Riptide brings you the most eye-catching mugshots taken the previous week (or thereabouts) in Miami-Dade County. Yes, there is some mockery of bad neck tattoos, but also adulation directed at perps who just plain look more badass than we ever will. This is the italicized intro to that series. For mugshots from Broward and Palm Beach, check out The Pulp.

Mugshots Friday: Burglar Jesus and Coked Out Santa, Now In 3-D!

Arrested: 11/2
Charged with: Burglary
Pretty brazen of Jesus to break one of his father's own commandments. Dude, what part of "Thou shalt not steal" wasn't clear to you? Aside from the "steal" part.

Mugshots Friday: Burglar Jesus and Coked Out Santa, Now In 3-D!

Arrested: 11/6
Charged with: Burglary, grand theft
He's got the dollar sign and the wicked grinning sun tattooed on him. Why not combine the two and have the Raisin Bran sun with two scoops of coins or something? And the Raisin Bran sun should have a bandana on and be saying "YOLO." Man, I should have my own tattoo parlor.

Mugshots Friday: Burglar Jesus and Coked Out Santa, Now In 3-D!

Arrested: 11/7
Charged with: Disorderly conduct
All the cops would love to know what he's staring at. But no point in mentioning these bats, he thinks. Poor bastards will see them soon enough.

 

Mugshots Friday: Burglar Jesus and Coked Out Santa, Now In 3-D!

Arrested: 11/2
Charged with: Trespassing, consuming alcohol in public
Neither the Miami police nor Mugshots Friday are letting the 3-D trend go by without taking advantage of it. Readers, reach under your chair and pull out your 3-D glasses to make this mugshot really jump off the page!

Mugshots Friday: Burglar Jesus and Coked Out Santa, Now In 3-D!

Arrested: 11/7
Charged with: Marijuana possession, false ID, prostitution, resisting arrest, criminal mischief
Are you the man who possesses the key to unlock her heart? Because she'd much rather you be the man who unlocks her handcuffs. That's true love.

 

Mugshots Friday: Burglar Jesus and Coked Out Santa, Now In 3-D!

Arrested: 11/6
Charged with: Disorderly conduct, resisting arrest
Much like the red spot of Jupiter, that bloody mark will only keep expanding until it consumes all matter around it. Our planet will be gone in a few days. Make peace with your loved ones now.

Mugshots Friday: Burglar Jesus and Coked Out Santa, Now In 3-D!

Arrested: 11/3
Charged with: Cocaine possession
Beard-less, desperately looking for an up Santa is my least favorite Santa.

Mugshots Friday: Burglar Jesus and Coked Out Santa, Now In 3-D!

Arrested: 11/2
Charged with: Cocaine possession, marijuana possession
I think they booked his dreads separately.

Follow Miami New Times on Facebook and Twitter @MiamiNewTimes.


Sponsor Content