Mugshots Friday: Burglar Jesus and Coked Out Santa, Now In 3-D!
Every Friday, Riptide brings you the most eye-catching mugshots taken the previous week (or thereabouts) in Miami-Dade County. Yes, there is some mockery of bad neck tattoos, but also adulation directed at perps who just plain look more badass than we ever will. This is the italicized intro to that series. For mugshots from Broward and Palm Beach, check out The Pulp.
Charged with: Burglary
Pretty brazen of Jesus to break one of his father's own commandments. Dude, what part of "Thou shalt not steal" wasn't clear to you? Aside from the "steal" part.
Charged with: Burglary, grand theft
He's got the dollar sign and the wicked grinning sun tattooed on him. Why not combine the two and have the Raisin Bran sun with two scoops of coins or something? And the Raisin Bran sun should have a bandana on and be saying "YOLO." Man, I should have my own tattoo parlor.
Charged with: Disorderly conduct
All the cops would love to know what he's staring at. But no point in mentioning these bats, he thinks. Poor bastards will see them soon enough.
Charged with: Trespassing, consuming alcohol in public
Neither the Miami police nor Mugshots Friday are letting the 3-D trend go by without taking advantage of it. Readers, reach under your chair and pull out your 3-D glasses to make this mugshot really jump off the page!
NPC Southern States Bikini, Figure, Men's Physique
TicketsFri., Jul. 7, 6:00pm
NPC Southern States Bodybuilding Championships vs. NPC Southern States Fitness & Figure Championships
TicketsSat., Jul. 8, 6:00pm
Florida Launch vs. Chesapeake Bayhawks
TicketsSat., Jul. 15, 7:00pm
Florida Launch vs. Charlotte Hounds
TicketsSat., Jul. 22, 7:00pm
Charged with: Marijuana possession, false ID, prostitution, resisting arrest, criminal mischief
Are you the man who possesses the key to unlock her heart? Because she'd much rather you be the man who unlocks her handcuffs. That's true love.
Charged with: Disorderly conduct, resisting arrest
Much like the red spot of Jupiter, that bloody mark will only keep expanding until it consumes all matter around it. Our planet will be gone in a few days. Make peace with your loved ones now.
Charged with: Cocaine possession
Beard-less, desperately looking for an up Santa is my least favorite Santa.
Charged with: Cocaine possession, marijuana possession
I think they booked his dreads separately.
Get the ICYMI: Today's Top Stories Newsletter Our daily newsletter delivers quick clicks to keep you in the know
Catch up on the day's news and stay informed with our daily digest of the most popular news, music, food and arts stories in Miami, delivered to your inbox Monday through Friday.