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Mugshots Friday: Ben Franklin and Big Bad Bearded Guys

Every Friday, Riptide brings you the most eye-catching mugshots taken the previous week (or thereabouts) in Miami-Dade County. Yes, there is some mockery of bad neck tattoos, but also adulation directed at perps who just plain look more badass than we ever will. This is the italicized intro to that series. For mugshots from Broward and Palm Beach, check out The Pulp.

Mugshots Friday: Ben Franklin and Big Bad Bearded Guys

Arrested: 9/15
Charged with: Battery
When people ask me why I decided to be a reporter, I tell them that it's not just so I could run a mildly popular weekly blog post wherein I make fun of people who've been arrested. It's so I could ask the tough questions, like my forthcoming query to the police: When you arrested the Ghost of Benjamin Franklin, was it hard putting handcuffs on his spectral wrists?

Mugshots Friday: Ben Franklin and Big Bad Bearded Guys

Arrested: 9/15
Charged with: Drug trafficking, marijuana possession, possession of a controlled substance
What was the controlled substance, you ask? Why, it's right there in plain sight on our perp's chest: Florezy, an anti-histamine a hundred times more powerful than Claritin! Which means it'll stop your sneezing for, like, an hour.

Mugshots Friday: Ben Franklin and Big Bad Bearded Guys

Arrested: 9/15
Charged with: Marijuana possession, cocaine possession
A TEC-9 t-shirt? Florezy's smoking AK-47 body ink says, "Get on my level, punk."

 

Mugshots Friday: Ben Franklin and Big Bad Bearded Guys

Arrested: 9/19
Charged with: Aggravated assault, burglary, grand theft, firing a gun from a vehicle, cocaine possession
Man, is that a rap sheet or the plot points for a Guy Ritchie film? I'm convinced this dude's beard is the real mastermind of that insane evening of criminal fun.

Mugshots Friday: Ben Franklin and Big Bad Bearded Guys

Arrested: 9/19
Charged with: Cocaine possession
Despondent over losing a spot in his friends' new Fleet Foxes cover band, our hero decides to indulge in some recreational drugs.

Mugshots Friday: Ben Franklin and Big Bad Bearded Guys

Arrested: 9/17
Charged with: Cocaine possession
On the outside, this guy is freaking out, terrified over the morass of legal problems and personal struggles his arrest will bring. But on the inside? He knows he's straight up stunning these fools with his relaxed sunglasses-case-clipped-to-his-shirt look. Fresh to death, man.

 

Mugshots Friday: Ben Franklin and Big Bad Bearded Guys

Arrested: 9/16
Charged with: Purchasing cocaine, cocaine possession, tampering with evidence
Fun fact: If you pull down on the cord on this guy's beard, another even fuller beard will pop down and take its place.

Mugshots Friday: Ben Franklin and Big Bad Bearded Guys

Arrested: 9/19
Charged with: Driving with a suspended license
If only he'd heeded his tattoo's own advice.

Mugshots Friday: Ben Franklin and Big Bad Bearded Guys

Arrested: 9/15
Charged with: Petit theft
"And so I was like, dude, no way! And he was like, dude, yeah way! And I was like, dude, no way!"

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