Every Friday, Riptide brings you the most eye-catching mugshots taken the previous week (or thereabouts) in Miami-Dade County. Yes, there is some mockery of bad neck tattoos, but also adulation directed at perps who just plain look more badass than we ever will. This is the italicized intro to that series. For mugshots from Broward and Palm Beach, check out The Pulp.
Charged with: Grand theft in the third degree, fraud
Terrible haircut? Trying to steal something expensive? Using fake identification? Yeah, this is definitely an Art Basel-related arrest.
Charged with: Prostitution, marijuana possession, possession of a controlled substance
Every other phrase out of this woman's mouth must be, "You ain't shit!"
Charged with: Resisting arrest
Just look at this smug little bastard. I bet he got busted trying to sneak into LIV or trying to start a pathetic slap fight with a bouncer or refusing to pour out a beer he was hiding under his blazer, then kept telling the cops who busted him, "Do you know who my father is?"
Charged with: Driving with a suspended license
Is that a tattoo of a skull eating hamburgers? A skull wearing boxing gloves? A tattoo really should be treated like a Halloween costume: If it isn't obvious on first glance what it is, or if it takes more than a minute to explain it, it's a failure.
Charged with: Armed robbery, aggravated assault with a deadly weapon, grand theft
It doesn't seem like the words tattooed on his own chest really sunk in too much. That said, if this dude had been wearing a No Fear shirt when he was arrested, this would have been the best mugshot ever.
Charged with: Marijuana possession, possession of drug paraphernalia
Yo, Miami-Dade cops: I think this guy might be hiding at least half a pound of pot in his mouth. Or maybe an orange.
Charged with: Petit theft, trespassing
I wish I knew what has this dude so shocked. Cop behind the camera drop his pants? Mugshot actually taken inside an Apple store giving away iPads? Giant spiders? We'll never know.
Charged with: Disorderly conduct
This man, meanwhile, will see your shocked expression and raise you an eyebrow. Huh? Huh? Get it? Because he's raising an eyebrow!
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Charged with: Marijuana possession
Shanay is a lucky woman.