Mugshots Friday: A Sunny Place for Shady People
Every Friday, Riptide brings you the most eye-catching mugshots taken the previous week (or thereabouts) in Miami-Dade County. Yes, there is some mockery of bad neck tattoos, but also adulation directed at perps who just plain look more badass than we ever will. This is the italicized intro to that series.
Charges: Cannabis possession, less than 20 grams.
How are you going to arrest this man for weed when he's just clearly trying to make a living as a Snoop Dogg impersonator. Cannabis possession is part of the job description!
Charges: None Listed
How the hell did this lady end up in Miami-Dade jail? Did someone's mom stop by the booking center and say, "Oh, I know we shouldn't do this, but I always thought it would be a real hoot to pose for a mugshot?" Is this some sort of accident?
Charges: Cannabis possession and public intoxication.
See, now this is a mugshot we can believe in.
Charges: Reckless Driving
The only reason we're including this one is to rub it in the fact of any Northerners who may be reading that its still warm enough in Miami in January to wear mesh tank tops.
Arrested: All 1/21
Charges: Right - Petit Theft; Center - Petit Theft; Left - Leaving the Scene of an Accident
It's so warm here you can even commit crimes shirtless year round! So, I guess what we're saying is "Petty criminals of the North, come down here to commit your crimes!" Wait, that's a horrible tourism campaign. Still though, you ain't seeing many shirtless mugs in New York right now. Haha, suck on that snow New York!
Charges: Burglary of an Occupied Dwelling
"Oh my goodness, its nice to see a young fellow dressed up all nice in a suit and tie," said the old fashioned robber grandpa. "Back in my day we always used to make sure we looked our sharpest before heading out and stealing people's things. I never left the house without a shave and a tie bar. That was back in the days when criminals actually took pride in what they did. Now, today's kids will get dressed up in anything to steal. Flip flops. Hoodies. Mesh tank tops. All just terrible. But, you, you're one of the good ones, aren't you?"
Get the This Week's Top Stories Newsletter
Every week we collect the latest news, music and arts stories — along with film and food reviews and the best things to do this week — so that you’ll never miss Miami New Times' biggest stories.