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Mugshots Friday: A Meta T-Shirt, A Pimp's Broken Spirit, and Beards, Beards, Beards

Every Friday, Riptide brings you the most eye-catching mugshots taken the previous week in Miami-Dade County. Yes, there is some mockery of bad neck tattoos, but also adulation directed at perps who just plain look more badass than we ever will. This is the italicized intro to that series.

Mugshots Friday: A Meta T-Shirt, A Pimp's Broken Spirit, and Beards, Beards, Beards

Arrested: 8/8

Charged with: Third-degree grand theft

Hey, Domo made it back to the internet! It's like one of those feel-good news stories about a cat that gets blown 400 miles away by a tornado but staggers home three months later.

Mugshots Friday: A Meta T-Shirt, A Pimp's Broken Spirit, and Beards, Beards, Beards

Arrested: 8/8

Charged with: Trespassing after warning, attempt to influence a public servant through use of a threat

Hey, justice system, you guys broke our old pimp's spirit! Jerks!

Mugshots Friday: A Meta T-Shirt, A Pimp's Broken Spirit, and Beards, Beards, Beards

Arrested: 8/8

Charged with: Disorderly intoxication, indecent exposure

Dear Just For Men (Beard Division),

Ever since I've started using your product, the strangest thing has been happening. My clothes keep exploding off of me. It's resulted in me getting arrested for indecent exposure! Please advise.

-Invigorated But Incarcerated

IBI,

That means the product is working! That's just the raw sexual magnetism exploding all of your clothes off! Enclosed find a $5-off coupon redeemable at participating Walgreens.

 

Mugshots Friday: A Meta T-Shirt, A Pimp's Broken Spirit, and Beards, Beards, Beards

Arrested: 8/7

Charged with: Loitering/prowling

Dude, there's no polite way to say this: You look like a fucking leprechaun right now.

Mugshots Friday: A Meta T-Shirt, A Pimp's Broken Spirit, and Beards, Beards, Beards

Arrested: 8/4

Charged with: Contracting without a license, grand theft third degree, possession of a cannabis, possession of cocaine, cocaine trafficking

Ooooh, pony hair!

Mugshots Friday: A Meta T-Shirt, A Pimp's Broken Spirit, and Beards, Beards, Beards

Arrested: 8/3

Charged with: Possession of marijuana

Beard break! Now would be a good time to get a glass of water or make a Pop-Tart.

 

Mugshots Friday: A Meta T-Shirt, A Pimp's Broken Spirit, and Beards, Beards, Beards

Arrested: 8/6

Charged with: Assault, cannabis possession

Bet this guy's Match.com handle is FatRasputin.

Mugshots Friday: A Meta T-Shirt, A Pimp's Broken Spirit, and Beards, Beards, Beards

Arrested: 8/5

Charged with: Burglary of an occupied dwelling, battery, second degree grand theft, criminal mischief, cocaine possession, possession of drug paraphernalia, dealing in stolen property, pawnbroker transaction violation

Don't think for a second that we're denigrating beards. Without a beard, for example, this fellow would look like the Fat Cop Dad from Family Matters. With it, he looks like... Well, he looks like a Super Mario Bros. Goomba.

Mugshots Friday: A Meta T-Shirt, A Pimp's Broken Spirit, and Beards, Beards, Beards

Arrested: 8/7

Charged with: Possession of ecstasy

Outkast has always kind of had a Goodwill Hunting Ben-Affleck-and-Matt-Damon kind of thing where you try to figure out which one is really the genius. At first, of course, you bet on Andre 3000, because of his pants. But then they split up and Andre's own music starts seeming a little bit shallow and he makes an animated series on the Cartoon Network, and Big Boi keeps being amazing and then he gets caught as a 46-year-old man with ecstasy on a cruise ship and it clicks: Ah-ha! All this time, the little unassuming one was the Roy to his Siegfried!

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