Some say it's the heat that causes it. Others blame Jimmy Buffett. Whatever the reason, South Florida is Mecca for this hemisphere's most devoted morons. Let's see who took the pilgrimage this week:
5. Ron Book, who apparently thought it was wise to put a bunch of Julia Tuttle sex offenders in a hotel.
So maybe it wasn't his idea, but Miami-Dade Homeless Trust chief and uber-lobbyist Book was the guy offering triumphant quotes to reporters about how he was finally moving the sex offenders off of the Julia Tuttle causeway.
A couple of weeks later, we find out his agency moved 16 of them to Homestead Studio Suites, where they turned the place into Chateau di Molesters, eating tiny bagels in the morning, sunbathing by the pool, and catching up on their late-night Cinemax programming.
We kind of like the way CBS4's pedophilia expert so poetically put it: "There is so many of them in this hotel, in Miami, unbelievable. Unbelievable there could be that many sex offenders in one hotel." Indeed.
4. Dolphins General Manager Jeff Ireland, who asked prospect Dez Bryant if his mother's a prostitute.
Forget the accusations of class-superiority and racism. We're just amazed that Ireland somehow managed to form this question with his mouth. If it was us nearing the end of our interview notes and that question was scrawled there at the bottom, we would have started to sweat profusely and our tongue would have thickened. "OK, Dez, we have one last question that's a little bit personal but very important... Is your mother a pr... pr... Prada fan? Because there are some fantastic high-end shops in Merrick Park."
We could see you pulling a stunt like this if you had something going for you. But you are eminently boycott-able. There were two cool things about you: Mexicans and Steve Nash. You just halved your appeal.
Do you have one tourist attraction that doesn't involve dust, heat, and death? Oh no, what are we going to do if we can't vacation in Phoenix, "The City That Never Stops Burning Your Skin" or Tuscon, "That Other Shitty Place in Arizona"?
Are you trying to upstage us as the country's most backwards state?
2. Spanish-Language radio station El Zol, fined $16,000 for prank-calling a woman by claiming to be a hospital employee, and telling her that her husband and daughter had been killed.
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Phew, nothing like some good ol' fashioned radio DJ idiocy to clear the air in here when it gets too political.
1. The couple busted for smuggling $322,000 worth of contaminated cheese for resale in Miami.
It just seems like there'd be a lot easier way to make an illegal living than transporting 170,000 pounds of hardened cow secretions. Had they not heard of cocaine?