We had some strange and creepy ones this week. Let's get down to it:
5. Paul Edwards, busted for murder by his alleged victim's beyond-the-grave text message.
So cops investigating a missing female sent their top suspect, her boyfriend and Miramar resident Edwards, a text message from her phone number reading, simply: "Just wait til I got better." Which probably freaked him out some, considering he had allegedly cut off her head and stuffed her body in a barrel.
Right after receiving the text, Edwards drove to a Miami Gardens location, presumably to do battle with a re-animated zombie. Cops later found the headless body there.
Which is a promising, if strange, new way to lure murder suspects to their victim's bodies.
"U watching Jersey Shore? Snooki a slut LOL"
"WTF? I thought I mrdrd u?"
"I took 2 Bayers. U comin over?"
Morons of the Week tries to stay away from politics -- but decided to include these winners simply because we're hoping somebody calls us a "socilist" or a "lier" in the comments section.
3. Three Lousiana prison escapees captured in a Miami hotel.
Sometimes the way our dry colleagues over at the Miami Herald phrase something makes us chuckle. To wit:
For three men from Louisiana, Miami-Dade County recently provided a brief -- albeit highly illegal -- respite from bars and shackles.
"WTF?" would be our text to the Herald if we were dead. From what we've read, while on the run the escapees cut off a woman's fingers, held up a Walgreen's, and possibly murdered somebody. All that shit's illegal? Nah way -- show us the statutes.
2. Suspended West Miami Mayor Cesar Carasa, who lost his re-election bid.
When Michelle Spence-Jones won back her Miami commission seat only to be suspended again, it was kind of pathetic-- but it sent a message. However, losing a race for your old seat in a landslide after being suspended is pathetic times the power of Pi. And it proves nothing except your own idiocy.
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1. Edwin Arnold Rivera, perhaps the best proof yet that drunk driving is not smart.
So in 1992, Rivera was sentenced in Houston to 50 years in prison for a string of armed home robberies. Then he fled to Mexico, where he earned a law degree. He eventually moved to Miami, where he assumed the name Jorge Jimenez, and became a successful luxury car broker at a dealership.
Then, in 2009 he was busted for drunk driving. His fingerprints tipped off Houston cops of his true identity. Now, 18 years after the robbery convictions, the 41-year-old man has his whole 50-year sentence to serve.
There's no punchline here. That's just really sad.