We had some strange and creepy ones this week. Let's get down to it:
5. Paul Edwards, busted for murder by his alleged victim's beyond-the-grave text message.
So cops investigating a missing female sent their top suspect, her boyfriend and Miramar resident Edwards, a text message from her phone number reading, simply: "Just wait til I got better." Which probably freaked him out some, considering he had allegedly cut off her head and stuffed her body in a barrel.
Right after receiving the text, Edwards drove to a Miami Gardens location, presumably to do battle with a re-animated zombie. Cops later found the headless body there.
Which is a promising, if strange, new way to lure murder suspects to their victim's bodies.
"U watching Jersey Shore? Snooki a slut LOL"
"WTF? I thought I mrdrd u?"
"I took 2 Bayers. U comin over?"
Morons of the Week tries to stay away from politics -- but decided to include these winners simply because we're hoping somebody calls us a "socilist" or a "lier" in the comments section.
3. Three Lousiana prison escapees captured in a Miami hotel.
Sometimes the way our dry colleagues over at the Miami Herald phrase something makes us chuckle. To wit:
For three men from Louisiana, Miami-Dade County recently provided a brief -- albeit highly illegal -- respite from bars and shackles.
"WTF?" would be our text to the Herald if we were dead. From what we've read, while on the run the escapees cut off a woman's fingers, held up a Walgreen's, and possibly murdered somebody. All that shit's illegal? Nah way -- show us the statutes.
2. Suspended West Miami Mayor Cesar Carasa, who lost his re-election bid.
When Michelle Spence-Jones won back her Miami commission seat only to be suspended again, it was kind of pathetic-- but it sent a message. However, losing a race for your old seat in a landslide after being suspended is pathetic times the power of Pi. And it proves nothing except your own idiocy.
1. Edwin Arnold Rivera, perhaps the best proof yet that drunk driving is not smart.
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So in 1992, Rivera was sentenced in Houston to 50 years in prison for a string of armed home robberies. Then he fled to Mexico, where he earned a law degree. He eventually moved to Miami, where he assumed the name Jorge Jimenez, and became a successful luxury car broker at a dealership.
Then, in 2009 he was busted for drunk driving. His fingerprints tipped off Houston cops of his true identity. Now, 18 years after the robbery convictions, the 41-year-old man has his whole 50-year sentence to serve.
There's no punchline here. That's just really sad.